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Weekend Update
D
Nothing much is happening with me or my weekends. My big activity was taking a 5 mile hike with Indy and going to The Melting Pot with Ashley. Fun times both, each in their own respect. Mock trial practice takes up the remainder of my weekend time - so as opposed to telling about me, I'm just going to report on some random things which pop into my head.
So the Oscars are over. I slept through them, but congrats to Martin Scorsese - you only had to make three movies with DiCaprio before they gave you an Oscar. Just goes to show... something.
In rollercoaster news, Cedar Point is putting in a 21 million dollar monster called Maverick. As I plan on getting a Cedar Fair Maxx Pass this year, I am excited about riding this new one. But I saw a really cool photograph taken during a construction open house. The photo depicts a first-of-its-kind coaster element called a twisted horseshoe roll (similar to the now-common cobra roll which you could experience just down the midway on Raptor). Even if you don't care about coasters, check out the photo. It is panoramic and very artsy.
Ever wonder what Eliot Ness, Lava, and Your Best Friend's Girl have in common? What about Mall Security, Old Dogs, and Non-binding resolutions? I stumbled across this great blog where the post are done with delightfully clever Venn Diagrams. A fun read.
OSU 49 Wisconsin 48 - that's right, the #1 Buckeyes laid claim to the Big Ten title and a #1 seed in the Big Dance. Go Bucks. ESPN's headline, "A tough nut to crack."
And finally, my Dad (recently retired) has this wonderful knack of calling me and telling me how wonderful the weather is in Florida. "Hey son, what's the temperature in Ohio? Oh, wow, 19 degres huh? Well barely broke 70 today." A few days ago he sent me a beautiful time-lapse movie of a sunset on the beach. I've posted it to YouTube (without his "it's-so-warm-here" permision - so there!). Enjoy!
D | 2/26/2007 12:32:00 AM
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15 on 15 - Top Date Movies
D | Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Also known as "chick flicks" this 15 on 15 is a tribute to my favorite Hallmark holiday, Valentine's Day. I will be writting my comments as why a man would want to chose this movie for a date. And, for those special visual learners among us, I have included a chart to graph the approximate enjoyment of each participant. Enjoy.
15. Love Actually
True, this is a Christmas movie. But I think the multiple plot lines and the humor make this a film a guy could watch and enjoy. The woman enjoyment of this film is very high.
14. Casablanca
It is in black and white and it is somewhat "slow" (things aren't constantly exploding) but its a classic. And true, the interested parties don't even end up together, but there's just something romantic about Nazis in Africa that makes a woman weak.
13. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
The first movie on our list where everyone has something nice to look at. McConaughey and Hudson are both nice eye candy for their respective genders (or not, if that's how you role). And the plot and humor of this film make it truly funny to all watchers.
12. Aladdin
My favorite Disney animated film of all time, this is basically a love story. Robin Williams is thrown in to keep things hilarious, but other than that it is two people falling in love. With songs. And a money.
11. Out of Sight
When I was in college, a woman once pointed out to me that this film also makes a very good date movie. I wil say it takes a special kind of woman to apprecite this film, but if she likes George Clooney, then that may keep he interested. This is the second film on our list where both genders have something nice to look at.
10. Swingers
Probably more of a "Guys film" but if you can keep her interested till the end, she'll love the conclusion. Also, it is such a cult classic that after she watches it with you, she'll finally understand all your jokes about the bear with the claws.
9. When Harry Met Sally
From more of a "Guys film" to more of a "Chick flick," this is the lowest scoring movie for guy's enjoyment. But, this makes the list because women love it. They love it. I don't really know why, but they do. The perserverance of love, or some crap like that. Honestly, the movie doesn't bother me that much.
8. The Notebook
Another "Chick flick" rated very low for guy's enjoyment, but a personal favorite of mine. But women will love this movie and love you for watching it with them. When I saw this in the theater, women were balling they were so happy. PS: Rachel McAdams, will you marry me?
7. Titanic
Girls like the romance of Jack and Rose ("I'll never let go Jack" until you turn into an icecycle and I need to save my own ass). Guys like the special effects and (spoiler warning) the fact that the ship sinks.
6. My Best Friend's Wedding
This movie is a basic chick flick that is well excuted, funny, and surprising. I have seen this film many many times and I always enjoy it. Roberts gay friend steals every scene he is in and the scene where they bust into song is so great.
5. Top Gun
I know what you're saying here - Top Gun is not a movie chicks will watch. But that is where you are wrong. My Dad was the first one to point out to me that Top Gun is a love story bookended with two dog fights and some flight-school in the middle. Besides that, she's lost that loving feeling.
4. Garden State
Perfect for this time in our young impressionable lives, where we are lost and confused and still idealistic about love. The film is young, hip, and funny. Zach Braff is my hero and Natalie Portman is my second wife (to Rachel McAdams).
3. Jerry Maguire
If you only know this film as "You complete me" or "Show me the money" then you are missing out on the remainder of an excellent film. Also, this movie features a little kid who is "so cute" that no woman can resist him. "The human head weighs 8 pounds."
2. Notting Hill
I don't know what it is that I like about this film so much - I just do. Hugh Grant is great and Julia Roberts is acting like herself in real life, so no stretch there. I think the film is so great because it asks if it is possible for nice normal guys to finish first.
1. The Princess Bride
The movie itself lays out why it is the perfect Date Movie.
GRANDFATHER
I brought you a special present.
KID
What is it?
GRANDFATHER
Open it up.
KID
A book?
GRANDFATHER
That's right. When I was your age, television was called books. And this is a special book. It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father. And today, I'm gonna read it to you.
KID
Has it got any sports in it?
THE GRANDFATHER
Are you kidding? Fencing. Fighting. Torture. Revenge. Giants. Monsters. Chases. Escapes. True love. Miracles.
KID
It doesn't sound too bad. I'll try and stay awake.
GRANDFATHER
Oh. Well, thank you very much. It's very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming. All right...
---
Other receiving votes: Ten Things I Hate About You, Guys and Dolls, Pretty Woman, High Fidelity, Sleepless in Seatle, Dirty Dancing
D | 2/14/2007 11:24:00 PM
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Nice guys finish hungry
D | Thursday, February 08, 2007
Let me explain.
My friend Teresa is in a wedding at the end of March and is trying to embarrass all the other bridesmaids with her amazing hot body. She tells me how she is searching for some dieting routine and I mention The Master Cleanse. Also known as The Lemonade Diet, this is a body cleansing routine where the only thing you eat or drink is this homebrewed lemonade concoction (more information forthcoming). I heard about this diet while I was in NYC and have always wanted to give it a try. I explain to Ter that this is truly designed as a natural way for your body to eliminate toxins and any weight loss is merely incidental. This is fine with her and ultimately she'll have some company on her wedding diet adventure.
The diet lasts a minimum of 10 days and Teresa only wants to go for 2-3 weeks anyway, so I think to myself, "Self, this is something you have wanted to try (because you are fun-loving, inquisitive, and curious). Now you have a friend to do it with you (so you won't need to confess to anyone you wanted to do this on your own - you can just blame it on Ter). And if it really sucks, you only have to do it for 10 days (because Hey, in college you gave up meat for two months for a girl you weren't even sleeping with, so how much worse could giving up all food be?)." And before I know it, I am doing The Master Cleanse with Ter.
So last night, we went to the supermarket and bought lemons, water, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper (also a juicer thing, herbal laxative tea, and contact solution (not related to diet)). The maple syrup is real maple syrup, not sugar flavored with maple that you would put on your pancakes. The idea of the Lemonade is as follows: The syrup is full of your needed vitamins, minerals, and sugars. The lemons are the cleanser. And the water is the transportation vehicle. The pepper is to be added "to taste" in an effort to tone down the bitterness of drinking pure sugar-lemon-water. So we buy all this crap and mix up 20 containers of Lemonade.
The next morning I go to drink my first Lemonade only to discover that we used WAY too much pepper and my 10 drinks are actually spicy. Spicy to the point they are undrinkable. So I power through one of these during the day, supplementing my hunger with straight bottled water. Now I know that at this point (and especially if your my Dad) you're asking yourself, "Why didn't you taste these things while you were making them?" That is an excellent question. My answer is - Hey, your shoe's untied. Anyway, after school I stopped by the expensive grocery store to upgrade to Grade B syrup and buy new lemons to make batch number 2. Which, is exactly what I did when I arrived home.
So by the time I am writing this, I have had six or so 8 ounce servings of Lemonade today and another 4 servings of actual water. And I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty hungry. Every time I see food ads on TV I want to go get something to eat. But, mind over mater is my new middle name. The diet says every time you get hungry you just drink another Lemonade. So that is what I'm doing. And since I don't typically go to bed at 11:30, I will probably drink another two servings before I head to sleep. Yum.
Over the next few days I regale everyone with updates as to my levels of hunger and/or how much I want to kill Teresa. Stay tuned.
PS: I was supposed to weigh myself before I started to see if I lost any weight, but I forgot. So I will do it the next time I find a scale and let you all know what the number is.
D | 2/08/2007 11:17:00 PM
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Best Commercial Re-cap 2007
D
So this year I did not liveblog the SuperBowl Commercials. As it turns out, liveblogging any event is tough work, and the SuperBowl commercials are no exception. If you want a trip down Memory Lane, here is 2005 and here is 2006. This year, I decided to just watch the game and enjoy it; besides that I wanted to cheer Laser-Rocket Arm on to Victory.
But I still kept a pad at my side and took notes of my favorites. Without further ado, let me present my personal top commercials of the 2007 SuperBowl.
Top Ten Humorous Commercials
10. Budlight - No Speak English -- Mencia is funny, sometimes. This commercial was average until the class declared that when asked for a BudLight they respond, "No speak English."
9. Budlight - Ape Plan -- Careerbuilder has proven that monkeys are hilarious. This year Bud showed us how apes can be funny. You make a Pinky and The Brain sketch where the Pinky ape screws it up by smiling like an idiot at an attractive woman. Done. A sure fire winning commercial.
8. Sprint - Connectile Dysfunction -- There are so many damn ED commercials on TV that making a parody of it is genius. And "Connectile Dysfunction" was great. I just love the candid shots of the guy (looking nervous) and other people (enjoying life).
7. Snickers - Man Kiss -- I'll let you what - this was funny and would have been rated much higher except that it freaked the shit out of me. These two dudes are obviously guy's guys and one of them thinks it is OK to eat the other end of his buddy's Snickers. What is this Lady and the Tramp? I was so stuck on this detail, I couldn't seem to accept the premise of the commercial. Oh well. Still pretty funny.
6. GM - Obsessed with Quality -- By the end of this commercial I was actually feeling bad for the robot. When he jumps off the bridge I actually said, "Awww." Gay, maybe. But all the "work" he gets is hilarious. As a drive in speaker box. Ha.
5. Blockbuster - Mouse -- It is possible that this is a repeat of a previous SuperBowl commercial. Honestly, I don't remember this exact one, but I remember the talking rabbit and guinea pig thing. Either way, a cartoon mouse flying around is always funny to me.
4. Budlight - Fist Pound -- I don't know what it is about seeing people smack either other in the face that will never be un-funny. The only thing that could have made this commercial funnier, is if apes, or even better, monkeys were smacking each other in the face.
3. Carrerbuilder - Promotion -- Careerbuilder had a great thing going with the monkey ads. I still laugh out loud when I see that one where they make the guy dance and the boss lights his cigar with a 100 dollar bill ("Sales aren't up, they're down.") As a series, those monkey ads are some of the funniest ads EVER. The new ads about your job being a jungle were good, but nothing can live up to a monkey jumping on bubble wrap. The funniest new ad was the one about getting the promotion (the other two receive Honorable Mention (see below)). Storming the beaches for a promotion, clad in office equipment armor. They have binders for helmets. Binders. That's comedy.
2. Letterman Show - In Love -- Priceless. Dave's personal sense of humor rang through this ad. 10 seconds of pure joy. Wonderful.
1. Budlight - Rock, Paper, Scissors -- Just like last year's winner, any time a commercial involves hitting someone in the face with a thrown object, I love it. Throwing things are other people's faces is probably the one crime I would commit if it weren't illegal. I just find some much humor in hitting someone in the face and watching them fall down. But not like a pie. Pies in the face are stupid. But rocks. Funny.
Others receiving votes (click on picture for larger image):
 11. FedEx - Moon Office
 12. Bud - Crabs
 13. Careerbuilder - Training Seminar
 14. Doritos - Car Crash
 15. Careerbuilder - Performance Evaluation
Worst Commercial
Salesgenie.com - Stupid -- This commercial was actually supposed to be one at 3AM as an info-mercial. That's how dumb it was. I'm rich and I drive a Ferrari and I am having dinner at the Boss's house - and how'd I do it? I used a website. And natural male enhancement pills. HA HA suckers.
Most Confusing
Emerald Nuts - Robert Goulet -- Again, Emerald Nuts has created the most non-sensical commercial of the SuperBowl. This one involved Robert Goulet stealing your office shit while you dozed off at your desk. What? And at one point he crawls away hanging up-side-down from the ceiling. What?
Sexiest
None. Not one commercial (including the stupid BigDaddy Ad) was sexy. Do we not show anything relating to breasts or sex during the SuperBowl anymore? Damn you Janet Jackson's nipple.
Sexiest Runner-up
Doritos - Check-out Girl -- Not really "sexy" in the sense I was hoping for, but I guess somewhat in the vicinity of sexy. Although that check-out chick kinda scared the shit out of me. If some random chick starts talking to me about my groceries and making all these inappropriate sexual innuendos, I would probably... well come to think of it, that might be kinda hot. Nevermind.
Most Sentimental
Bud - Dalmatian -- Last year they got us with a little pony pulling their huge wagon. This year a dirty dog got to live the high-life (ha ha, no pun intended) by pretending to be a dalmatian. It was nice. To see. You know. A dog. Get to be on the wagon. While dirty. Whatever. Shut. Up.
Biggest Disappointment
Nationwide - KFed -- What's funny is I think this ad had so much potential, but the buzz and media attention totally ruined the punchline. So I knew it was coming, and thus, did not find it funny. And since the mere sight of KFed (or as I like to call him KTrailerTrashHonkyDirtyIdiot) makes me want to discuss nationwide sterilization screenings, I couldn't get behind any other aspect of the ad.
Overall Best Commercial
Budlight - Rock, Paper, Scissors -- There are so many people I wish I could hit in the face with a rock.
Screen captures from YouTube
Watch the ads by quarter here
D | 2/06/2007 12:34:00 AM
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American Dreamz
The Dirty Dozen
Superman Returns
Pirates of the Caribbean II
Accepted
