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Univ of Miami Football Brawl
D | Tuesday, October 17, 2006
So everybody has read the news, seen the video, and heard the opinions. Although I strongly agree that the punishments to date are pretty mild, and I think unnecessary violence in any sporting event (save Ultimate Fighting) is deplorable, I don't want to debate the issues.
I want to make jokes.
Candid camera(s)
Who fights at a nationally televised football game? The "possibility" of getting caught is well beyond a mere inherent risk of the crime. I'd say the odds are more like astronomical. We have TV cameras at 7/11s. Do these football players not realize there are about 18 TV cameras video-taping the game? Anyone who has ever robbed a bank knows that you have to disable the security cameras before you bust into the vault. We can watch the slow motion instant replay of you kicking some guy in the head. This is not intelligent criminal behavior.
Hurts so good
The goal of fighting is to hurt your opponent. To cause him physical harm. How much harm are you going to cause fighting with someone wearing full pads and a helmet? You might as well be wearing those big foam sumo suits. There are many shots of players punching each other in the head. Why?
Head Gear
Well, almost everyone has pads and a helmet.
It's not a trebuchet, but...
On the other hand, if you've got a helmet, why not use it? Now this guy is thinking. Helmet = Weapon. Someone told me there is an injured player in the video hitting people with his crutch (I couldn't find it).
Family Jewels
Man Rule: You NEVER kick another man in the junk. Never.
Officials
I love the refs. As the fight breaks out, one guy rushes in to stop it. The other guys all reach for their flags. What is the signal for bench-clearing-brawl?
Bacon
About halfway through the fight, the police stroll onto the field. Too little too late? As long as the teams don't pull down the goal posts, then the police don't seem to care.
Cheerleaders
A fight? Let's bust out the team flag and run around in the end zone. Give me an F. Give me an I. Give me a G. Give me an H. Give me a T. What's that spell? Miami!
Union meeting
I want to be the ref who threw the first flag on the play so that in this conference I could say, "Yes, I saw holding on number 75 during the kick. That's five yard penalty and they will have to re-kick and re-fight."
Graphics
I also want to be the techie who got to put the "FLAG" graphic on the screen. As if we were unsure.
Celebration
What could they possibly be celebrating? Yeah, we're all going back to juvie.
Take me drunk, I'm home
If we can't fight in the stands, how come they can fight on the field?
D | 10/17/2006 01:31:00 PM
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QOTD
D | Tuesday, October 03, 2006
A little back story is necessary. Ashley and I spent about 30 minutes on Monday "discussing" (read, arguing) about the recently passed Military Commission Act of 2006 (NYTimes). This legislation gives the President broad powers to expansively define "military combatants" and eliminates habeas corpus for military detainees. I, with all my Democratic tendencies, was really disturbed about the direction in which our country is headed in terms of taking away rights that I feel should be "guaranteed. " Ashley thinks this legislation is appropriate given the current state of terrorism in the world and made an excellent point that those who fight against the freedoms of the United States should be the last to claim enjoyment of those liberties.
So today in the lunchroom - Ashley, trying to rally support for her cause, has the following discussion with fellow Republican and friend, Kris... very mockingly...
Ash: Kris, are you appalled by Congress suspending habeas corpus for prisoners at Guantanamo?
Kris: Do I look tired, because I couldn't sleep last night?
D | 10/03/2006 10:40:00 PM
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The Departed
