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QOTD: Comprehend
D
Discussing a class he is currently taking, today at lunch one of my friends said the following:
Well it takes time to study. I have to read everything. (beat) Then I have to comprehend. The quote itself may not read very funny, but I promise it was. Think of Neo saying, "I know Kung Foo" and now you get the idea. I teased him for a little while with the following banter, "Yes. You read the text, close the book, and stare intently at the wall while you focus on comprehending. If your roommates are being loud you yell, 'Hey guys, shut up. I'm comprehending."
Now as a Philosophy major, I should be the last person who should ever tease about trying to comprehend something. In undergrad, I spent many a night trying to understand some complicate philosophical text. [Ed. correction: In undergrad, I spent many a night sleeping/trying to "understand" women - although I hear that other people spent time trying to understand complicated philosophical texts.]
Still, it was funny.
D | 11/29/2005 07:39:00 PM
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One headlight
D | Friday, November 25, 2005
Amongst all the Thanksgiving hoopla, I had a few moments I wanted to share from yesterday.
- Last Sunday, my Dad went to the hospital and had emergency surgery to remove a kidney stone. Don't worry, he's fine and all is well now. The noteworthy part of this story is that I only learned about this Wednesday night. No one called me. I couldn't believe it. My family didn't even call me after the fact to let me know everything was OK. This was concerning to me. So I wrote my dad something like this in his "Get Well" card: Next time before you go to the hospital, please call your son (who, by the way, no longer lives in New York, but merely 15 minutes down the road). Get Well. Love, D.
- Last Monday, I noticed the left headlight of my car had burnt out. On my lunch break on Wednesday, I went to AutoZone and acquired the necessary bulb. And on Thanksgiving Day, my Dad and I replaced the light, which is now working fine. Even though the entire repair took us about 15 minutes, it is always nice to work on your car. Gentlemen, back me up here. Even washing and waxing your car gives you some nice feeling of accomplishment, of worth, as a man. Men are supposed to love cars and love fixing things and love getting dirty. So what is better than getting dirty while fixing your car? Nothing. Even this basic (un-masculine) repair made me feel like I had really accomplished something on Thanksgiving Day.
D | 11/25/2005 10:02:00 AM
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A vengeful God
D | Tuesday, November 15, 2005
In October of 2004, the Dover, Pennsylvania school board voted to add intelligent design to the 9th grade biology curriculum. This past election, Pennsylvania voters replaced all eight sitting school board members who voted in favor of intelligent design (CNN article here). After the vote, Christian leader and television personality from The 700 Club, Pat Robertson cautioned Pennsylvania voters with the following words:
"I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: if there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God, you just rejected Him from your city... And don't wonder why He hasn't helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I'm not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that's the case, don't ask for His help because he might not be there." (CNN article here, Hat tip, inspiration, and quotation: Brendan) I disagree with Mr. Robertson's statements with every once of my being.
I believe in God. I believe in some variant of what has been put forth as "intelligent design." Yet, I do not believe the appropriate place for the teaching of intelligent design is in the public school system. Furthermore, I believe God never abandons anyone. I believe you can never reject God, and even if you could, he would always be there if you wanted to return to him. I believe God champions the ideals of tolerance, understanding, and compassion.
When I first read Mr. Robertson's comments I was frustrated, if not flat-out angry. After taking some time to process, I became saddened. This man is a religious symbol for many people across the country and the message he was spreading - that God has abandoned Pennsylvania residents who exercised views which he deemed inappropriate - was full of intolerance and hatred. But as I wrote this post, a found a silver lining.
We live in a country which affords us the freedom to worship however we see fit - as both myself and Mr. Robertson do in our own ways. We live in a country with affords anyone the ability to say whatever they choose, publish whatever they choose, and protest whatever they choose - as Mr. Robertson's initial comment and my response illustrate. We live in a country which affords every citizen the ability to participate in democracy and cast their vote - as the voters in Pennsylvania demonstrated. Ours is an amazing country.
In the spirit of acceptance, let me make the following statement to Mr. Robertson, his supporters, and anyone else who wants to join my cause:I respect your position and acknowledge that we hold different views about the role of God and God's interactions with mankind. I don't know a lot about God, but I do know this: I am not Him. If you agree that you are not Him either, then we find ourselves on common ground, i.e. that long path we travel while trying to understand God. Knowing that we are all in the same boat, I propose the following promise - no mater whether God comes or goes, stays or abandons, embraces or turns his back, let us agree, let US agree that no matter what God chooses to do, WE will not abandon each other.
D | 11/15/2005 01:23:00 AM
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LJS
D | Monday, November 14, 2005
I would like to take 5 minutes of your time to tell you what's wrong with Long John Silvers.
Nothing.
Nothing is wrong with LJS, as I like to call it. This fine dining establishment has deep-fried deliciousness, yo-ho-ho pirate service, and wonderful ambiance found only on the high seas. Let me elaborate:
The Food - Nothing, and I mean nothing, is not fried. Chicken, fish, shrimp, clams, french fries, hush puppies, everything - ALL FRIED, ALL THE TIME. They fry the menu. Tartar Sauce, in a pre-sealed plastic package, is tossed in the fryer before distribution. It's wonderful. And indeed, with only 3 items on the menu, they are able to create in upwards of 15 meals. How many combinations of chicken, fish, and shrimp are there, you ask? At least 15, I respond.
The Help - "Yo ho, yo ho, a pirates' life for me." Indeed. Here is the conversation I had when ordering.
D: I would like a number thirteen.
Pirate: One number 13.
D: And some configuration of beverage.
P: What? (not understanding)
D: A drink.
P: What?
D: A drink. (now me, not understanding)
P: What? (points to drink machine)
D: Ah (comprehension). A Mountain Dew.
P: One Mountain Dew.
The Atmosphere - The handles on all the doors are pirate swords bracketed to the door (I'll take S words for 100. That's swords...). There are, of course, pirate hats for the kiddies. But by far my favorite part is the hastily made sign prominently displayed at the counter. This counter, by the way, is not like a low McDonald's counter - this counter is probably about 4 feet high. The one-page typed sign displays the following:
*PLEASE DO NOT SIT
OR STAND CHILDREN ON COUNTER
(MANAGEMENT)
*BOARD OF HEALTH
What? First off, asterisk are typically at the end of a comment. Second, this comment appears to be attributed to two separate individuals. Third, the counter is 4 feet high. Not that I am denying that it ever happened, but what moron perched his kid atop this counter monstrosity while paying for his #13? I can only assume that the kid, like everything else in the restaraunt, toppled into the fryer, Augustus Gloop style.
The Conclusion - If you've never had the pleasure of LJS, I strongly encourage you to visit and partake.
D | 11/14/2005 03:04:00 PM
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Nice set of hooters you got there
D | Thursday, November 10, 2005
I had lunch at Hooters today. So we all know what this post is going to be about... chicken wings. I'm so funny. Ok, here we go: There are some thoughts in my head which may (or may not) be worth expressing, so let's see if I can write a post where I don't get myself into too much trouble. I can hear Alex's voice right now, "PDTSHVL. Step away from the keyboard..."
-First off, I think you have to respect a restaurant which openly embraces its use of sex to sell food. Respect, might be too strong a word. Let's try admire.
-Much like the most effective method for picking up a bartender, I wonder what would work to solicit a phone number from a Hooters waitress. You know every male in the joint is hitting on these women, and every male who has something to drink is trying to get their number/take them home. I, of course, was not doing this - I was merely wondering how often these women are propositioned, what is the success rate of these attempts, and of these few successes which tactics work best.
-What if my girlfriend worked at Hooters? Would that be OK with me? She can do whatever and work wherever she chooses, of course, but I don't know how I would feel about other men ogling my girlfriend. I mean ogling in public when she is walking down the street is one thing, but if she is going to a job where the purpose of her outfit is to entice ogling, I might be concerned. What if my wife works at Hooters? What if she's a stripper? A hooker? This can quickly spiral out of control.
-Kevin, a departed colleague from work, sent me an email today entitled "Fodder for the blog" which contained a link to the following articles: Oral sex at the synagogue and It's all smiles at the Victoria's Secret show (mark your calendars for Dec. 6th). If the titles alone aren't interesting enough, take my recommendation that the oral sex article is a real page turner. I wonder how I am going to teach "restraint" to my own kids someday, with or without the help of some religious compass.
-All in all, I really liked the quote from the Talmud:
Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's rib: Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved.
D | 11/10/2005 06:41:00 PM
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West Wing Debate Recap
D | Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Last Sunday night was The West Wing's Live Debate.
1. My mom thought it was boring. Admittedly, she thinks the real presidential debates are boring.
2. Ashley thought it was written by (lily-livered, bleeding-heart, liberal, egg head, communist) Democrats. I would concede the point.
3. Two guys on cable news debated whether the show reflected reality. Yes, Kerry did vote "for it before he voted against it." And yes, Bush did propose massive tax cuts. But .
I found it 1. interesting, 2. not written by (gun-totin', red-neck-son-of-a-bitch) Republicans, and 3. loosely based on reality (only on TV can two candidates abandon the established rules and frankly debate issues while wandering the stage).
Shockingly, West Wing viewers think Santos won the debates. According to a Zogby poll (Hat Tip: Kevin at work), Santos won with 54% while Vinick picked up 38%. These numbers show an interesting (or uninteresting) change from pre-debate polling (yes, they did pre-debate polling for a TV show) of Santos 59 and Vinick 29. I still think Santos will prevail at the end of the season.
D | 11/08/2005 08:22:00 PM
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QOTD: Hank!
D
Todd (co-worker): Der-ek Wal-den. Cha, cha, cha, cha, cha. Bet you'd like to hear that in some stadium.
D: Sure, it's like that Starbucks comercial. Where they cheer for Hank. Dut dun, dun-a, Hank! And the have the big Hank-head mascot.
T: Yeah and that other one where Surviver sings that Eye of the Tiger song.
D: Roy. Roy, Roy, Roy. Roy, Roy, Roy. Roy, Roy, Roy...(to Eye of the Tiger, of course)
T: Yeah. What was that guys name who sang "The Hey Song"?
D: I don't know.
T: He got busted for kiddie porn.
D: Shut up.
T: No, I'm serious. I saw it on One Hit Wonders.
D | 11/08/2005 05:38:00 PM
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68% say we hand out too much, 59% want to see it cut...
D | Thursday, November 03, 2005
You like that stat.
I do.
Why?
Because 9% think it's too high, and shouldn't be cut! 9% of respondents could not fully get their arms around the question. There should be another box you can check for, "I have utterly no idea what you're talking about. Please, God, don't ask for my input."
Why is foreign aid important?
It fosters democracy.
There you go.
(with horrible British accent) Well, well played, young man. Very good, yes, yes.
I don't know if you realized, but for a second there, you changed voices.
Josh/Will, Guns not butter, WW Season 4, Episode 12
Presidential polling numbers have always fascinated me. Like Ruvym with weather or Ashley with men's clothing or Alex with being a nerd (8/27 post, second paragraph)- I have a fascination with political polling, and specifically Presidential polling. Approval ratings are the neatest thing to me.
A new poll released by CBS News, has President Bush's approval ratings at an all time low for his presidency: 35%. The amount of political dynamite that has exploded under this president is tough for Wile E. Coyote to imagine: a war in the middle east wages onward, a hurricane destroys New Orleans, a political scandal forces resignations, a Supreme Court nominee withdrawals, and bird flu is coming to kill us all - it was an Aristotelian confluence of events (two WW quotes in one post; I amaze even myself sometimes). Bush's new poll numbers made me wonder, Is this approval rating the worst a sitting president has ever seen?
From here I went one of my notorious research projects. And the answer, drum roll please.... NO. Nixon resigned with an approval rating of 24% and Carter bottomed out at an impressive 21%. Bush has a long way to go. Continuing my guest for super geek-dom, I stumbled across this chart, accurate through 1996. A few hours later, I had completed it through 2005. View my impressive work here:
Presidential Approval Ratings 1953-2005
D | 11/03/2005 04:59:00 PM
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First of all, that's not a cow...
D | Wednesday, November 02, 2005
It's not. It's a goat. (beat) Yeah, I may have agreed to something about a goal.
Did the First Lady get you drunk and take you shopping?
Leo... yes. The name of the group is Heifer International. I was under the impression it was going to be a cow.
Lending Presidential aura to the photo?
CJ/Leo, Guns not butter, WW Season 4, Episode 12
Around 4AM this morning, a tractor trailor overturned on I-74 in Cincinnati. The trailor was carrying 30 head of cattle. The road reopened at 4PM this afternoon. I had written some captions for these photos, but upon review, I really think they speak for themselves. Enjoy.
All photos courtsey The Cincinnati Enquirer
D | 11/02/2005 10:39:00 PM
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Charlie crazy-glued my phone...
D | Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Okay. Okay. (laughs) Now we're playing for keeps.
CJ, Hartsfield's Landing, WW Season 3, Episode 14
Twice in the past 24 hours, in two entirely separate conversations, with two entirely different people, I've been presented with the exact same argument (essentially):
We've reached a point in our lives where we don't have the luxury of doing what is fun (or doing what we want). We have to grow up and be responsible. Co-inky-dink or is some higher power speaking to me via blog? I say no, but that is because I don't believe in fate and don't believe in signals from the heavens. Nonetheless, the topic is a good one for discussion. A mandate to be mature? A mandate to be responsible? A mandate to "get shit done?" A mandate to grow up? I, because I am resistant to any change ever (and because I am slowly becoming a Republican...?), am refusing to accept this decree. I, like Peter Pan, Geoffrey the Giraffe, Pee-Wee Herman before me, am refusing to grow up.
I believe reality is what I make of it. I believe my life is mine to control and shape and direct. And damn it, if I want to waste away my life drinking beer, watching WW, and eating Hungry Man XXL TV dinners, then damn it, that's what I'm going to do. I think that came out with a little too much hostility. Let me clarify.
If I can be happy and content with my life without wearing a suit to the office for a five day work week, who cares what I job I hold? Or if I hold a job at all? If I am minding my own business and not hurting anyone, who cares if I act like an adult? If I pay my bills and pay my taxes and always cross at the green, then why can't I be forever young, forever free? I think the answer must be, "You can." Whether it is actually possible to do this is something we can debate at another time (probably not unless you are independently wealthy, but really if you are independently wealthy, what doors aren't open to you?). Hypothetically, if I am a good neighbor, good person, and a functioning member of society then the level of maturity or responsibility that I demonstrate in my personal life should be irrelevant (except, undoubtedly, to my mother). Stereotypes that exist around forcing us to "grow up" are just that, stereotypes.
Now, will I actually choose this path of unending youth? No. I will choose a more standard path but I do like flavoring the transition with random acts of fun. My message in a nut-shell: Simply because modern society suggests, albeit forcibly, that we should grow up, this does not mean we must.
D | 11/01/2005 07:29:00 PM
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American Dreamz
The Dirty Dozen
Superman Returns
Pirates of the Caribbean II
Accepted
