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Law firm advice
D
Ash sent me a chain email about working in a law firm. The email listed all the things you could to to have more fun/get fired from your law firm job. To save you the trouble of reading the whole thing, I've selected the ones I found amusing (some more than others) and added some commentary.
Every day, stroll into work at 11:30 AM and loudly declare "A fisherman lives by the rhythm of the sea, people."
-This is brilliant. If Alex and I ever have our own firm, I am doing this. Everyday!
Whenever you make a persuasive point in conversation with colleagues, snap your fingers, announce reproachfully, "No further questions for this witness", then walk away whistling.
-Dan Kaffee style. Then ask where the mess hall is.
End every sentence, written or oral, with "and shit". Examples:
"Frankly, John, while the estoppel rationale serves us well here, I'm not sure we should abandon the more salient jurisdictional issues and shit." "Your Honor, I object. The question is vague and shit."
-This reminds me of when I was at Philmont. As a Ranger, I had a crew from Texas and they never did anything, but were "fixin' to" do everything. After they found out I wanted to be an attorney, I asked if Texas attorneys stand up in court and say, "Your Honor, I am fixin' to object."
Hand a paralegal a bag of Cheetos and ask to have them ordered chronologically.
-That was just for all my friends working paralegal-ish jobs this summer.
Offer co workers breath mints. When they reach for them, pull away and yell "Cert denied" Run away cackling.
-Lawyer humor, yes, but priceless nonetheless. Truly, this is the best of all the suggestions. Priceless.
D | 6/27/2005 07:41:00 PM
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There's a bathroom on the right
D | Sunday, June 26, 2005
Hey little thing let me light your candle
Cause your mamma's a show-off to handle now, mess around
-Ashley, doing The Black Crowes Hard to Handle
In a similar vein, Check to Check lyrics, sung by Irving Berlin, Ella Fitzgerald, and many more - the version I have is Sinatra. I always sang the lyric as this:
Heaven, I'm in heaven
And my HEARTBEAT'S so that I can hardly speak
You as in, "My heartbeat is so (fast) that I can hardly speak." His heartbeat is going so fast that he can hardly speak. It is pounding in his ear or something. I was listening to the song the other day and it just dawned on me - heart (space) beats. His heart beats so that blah blah blah. Opps. Heaven, I'm in heaven
And my HEART BEATS so that I can hardly speak
Also it wasn't to long ago till I stopped singing the lyrics to this Billy Joel song incorrectly:
Uptown girl
She's been living in her white BRED world
I bet she never had a backstreet guy
I knew she was white (Christy Brinkley in the video) and I figured she was bred properly (raised in schools of etiquette or something). I don't really know... that was just me being stupid. I never really bothered to listen beyond what I already thought it meant. Well damn you Christy Brinkley and damn your Wonder-Bread.
Uptown girl
She's been living in her white BREAD world
I bet she never had a backstreet guy
D | 6/26/2005 12:32:00 PM
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The pompitous of love
D
A few days ago, I was speaking to a customer and her last name was Tokar. That of course made me think of the line from Steve Miller Band's The Joker:
I'm a joker
I'm a smoker
I'm a midnight toker
I sure don't want to hurt no one When a colleague came on the line, I told him I had Ms. Tokar with me and began to sing the chorus. He was clueless. "The Joker," I proclaimed. "Steve Miller Band, 1970 something. You know. The Joker, man." Not a clue.
Anyways, I was getting some dinner tonight and lo-and-behold, again, I am confronted with Steve Miller Band's The Joker (this time on the radio). Thinking perhaps a higher power is sending me a coded message, I listen to the words. Other than the "midnight toker" part, it might be about me. For example, I don't think it would be out of line for someone to look at some of the things I do and call me a "space cowboy." Furthermore, I am definitely a "gangster of love" and almost every woman I've ever been with would agree that "some people say I'm doing you wrong" (like all your friends). On top of which, I've been known to say "you're the cutest thing that I ever did see" and "I really love your peaches, wanna shake your tree" (also "sometimes love don't feel like it should, but baby, it hurts so good" but that's another story for another day...). Take all those things together and you might have a song about me.
But what really started this post was line #4, "Cause I speak of the pompitous of love." I found myself sing the words right out loud, with absolutely no clue what I was saying. Pompitous? I wasn't sure if I was hearing it right, so I figured I would look up the lyrics when I got home. Upon doing so, I found "pompitous" in numerous lyric sheets. Ok, so I'm not very well-read and I don't know what pompitous means. Dictionary dot com defines "pompitous" as ... nothing. What? Did I mean pompous? No. Pompitous.
And now we get to the part that makes derekwalden.com special - the research. A cursory search of the web produces a few web pages with an explanation - summarized to be sure, I submit the following explanation of "pompitous."
Steve Miller borrowed the lyric from an old R&B song called The Letter sung by a group called The Medallions, written by band front-man Vernon Green. An actor by the name of Jon Cryer was giving a TV interview and mentioned the link along with Green's name. Upon seeing the interview, Green, who had never even heard Miller's The Joker, telephoned Cryer to give an explanation. Apparently "pompitous" should really be "puppetutes," a term Green, who was 14, alone, and living on the streets at the time he penned the lyric, invented to describe the imaginary secret paper-doll fantasy woman of his dreams [thus puppet]. Green's The Letter was a song about his perfect woman, his "puppetutes of love." In the end, Miller used a word he himself had misunderstood. (research 1, research 2)
And there you have it. Although I remain un-school, under-read, and un-impressive in most everything I do, I won't be shaken from my course this time. Not by made-up words. Neglify that Steve Miller!
D | 6/23/2005 02:37:00 AM
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Being Batman
D | Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Forbes has published an article where they calculated the real life cost of "Being Batman." (slideshow with photos gives the actual costs) In other words, how much would it cost for me to become Batman? According to Forbes, if Bruce Wayne were real, he would be worth around 6 billion dollars, making him the 28th richest man in America. Just for fun, you should also check out this link where Forbes ranks the top 15 richest fictional characters including such legends as Scrooge McDuck, Lex Luthor, Willy Wonka, Goldfinger, and Gatsby.
So what would it take to be Batman? Here's the breakdown.
The Training: $30,000
The Suit: $1,585
The Belt: $290
The Car: $2,000,000
The Cave: $24,000/mo
The Alter Ego: $1,109,574
The Butler: $200,000/yr
TOTAL
Final Cost: $3,365,449
That's not so bad. Granted Forbes was taking some mighty large liberties with the suit (like buying off the rack, yikes) but I still can't believe it was so cheap. And Alfred, damn, you are expensive. Seriously Al, you're like family, you think we'd get a discount.
D | 6/22/2005 09:11:00 AM
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State of Independence
D | Monday, June 20, 2005
On my way home from work tonight I saw a billboard advertising Saab cars. The caption was, "Welcome to the State of Independence." And this really hit home for me.
I don't know about anyone else, but that is where my life is right now - a state of independence. And sitting in my car, at a red light, staring at a billboard, at 11:30PM, this all just occurred to me. If I eliminate, just for a moment, the basic things that keep me tied to an un-extraordinary life - a daily job, highway traffic, cumbersome loan debt, email, cel phone, television, etc - I get my independence. Truly. Think about it for one moment, will you? No one tells me what to do, ever. I make my own path each and every day. My decisions are the ones that shape my day to day interactions with, and experiences in, our world. I decide what I will do, when I will do it, and every other detail about my life. I am in control - and to me, sitting in my car, at a red light, staring at a billboard, at 11:30PM, this seemed like an awesome power. (cue Robin Williams as Genie from Aladdin, "Phenomenal cosmic powers; itty bitty living space.")
What could be a greater power than to control your own destiny? This was one of those moments where the philosophy major kicked in and I just started spinning on how incredible life is - am I falling off the deep end (read losing all of my readership)? Probably, but that's OK. For now and probably till I go to sleep tonight, my life will feel balanced and calm. And why? Because I saw some silly billboard? No. Well yes, but think of it this way...
I got myself to this point in my life and things are pretty damn good. And now - in one of those rare moments of clarity where you stumble across something you already had, but simply misplaced or forgot - I know that have the power to go wherever I want. A true state of independence, re-discovered.
D | 6/20/2005 02:37:00 AM
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Batman Begins
D | Saturday, June 18, 2005
Batman is back - and he's dark and brooding and mysterious again. No more Iceman, no Dr. Ross, no more Govern-ator, no more Clueless BatGirl, no more anatomically correct Batsuit (the nipples, ridiculous). The franchise is back and kicking ass.
I thought this was EXCELLENT! A CNN/EW review said this had all the elements necessary for a good comic book adaptation and I could not agree more. Everything was there - good plot, good villains, good action sequences -it was fast, fun, and was serious and dark without being too serious (it had funny lines and flowing comic book feel). I was incredibly pleased with this movie and the possibilities for where the series can go from here with Christopher Nolan at the helm (anywhere that is not near Joel-freak-of-nature-Schumacher is an improvement). This was really a fun film to watch. I thought Christian Bale nailed the Bruce Wayne/Batman dichotomy - easily the best since Keaton, Morgan Freeman got a lot of humor value, Michael Caine was a refreshingly sharp Alfred, and Gary Oldman had to be type cast as Jim Gordon. And the plot was interesting too. And they weaved in all the flashbacks well. So many things were done well here.
***SPOILER ALERT***
Stop reading if you haven't seen the film and don't want anything revealed early. You've been warned...
My only concerns (I repeat and truly mean this - only concerns) are continuity issues. This film alone is a perfect Batman movie, much like 1989 Batman. But for some reason I was assuming that, as a prequel, this movie would do what the Star Wars prequels did for the original SW series - tie everything together and fill in any open gaps. Don't get me wrong, I loved how this movie gave more about Bruce Wayne becoming Batman and how it re-examined the death of Bruce's parents, but it did not maintain continuity with the rest of the series, particularly the next movie, the 1989 Batman.
For example, in the 1989 movie Bruce's parents are killed by Jack Napier (the Joker). This of course is necessary because sets up the remainder of the plot as Batman purposely drops Jack into the vat of acid, thus turning him into Joker (see lines at the end of the film about J:"You made me when you dropped me in that vat of acid..." B:"I made you, you made me first. You killed my parents.") In the 2005 movie, Bruce's parents were killed by a random homeless guy. Not continuous.
Running with this same theme, the end of the 2005 movie would not be possible. Batman creates the Joker in 1989 movie - the Joker can't be running around in the 2005 prequel leaving playing cards everywhere without Batman having created him yet. Not continuous.
Also, the Bat-sign. Batman gives them (including Gordon) the bat signal at the end of 1989 Batman. So how can Gordon make one in 2005 Batman. There were a few other continuity issues which force this movie out of the series. Arguments could also be made that the only two Batman movies that are linked are Batman and Batman Returns, leaving the other two (craptastic movies) completely separate, which assuming that no Batman movies need be continuous, would not present a problem for this movie either. I guess I assumed it would link in perfectly and it did not.
Ash's big problem was the Chinese prison camp/mountain top retreat:
A: Why did he have to be trained on a mountain top in China?
D: He could have been trained at the 7/11? What?
A: He could have moved the training to West Chester, it didn't matter. He didn't have to become a shadow.. in China... on a mountain top... with a blue flower. Other than that, I liked it.
***SPOILERS END***
All in all, the film is excellent as a Batman movie and I feel, excellent as a stand alone film. It is a solid summer blockbuster. Go see it.
D | 6/18/2005 12:48:00 AM
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A phone booth? Really?
D | Wednesday, June 15, 2005
I don't know why, but this occurred to me today:
Why does Superman change identities in a phone booth - the entire thing is made of glass? Does he think this is a good idea? Is this the best way to protect a secret identity, jump into a glass booth where everyone can see you and change into your super-suit?
The following evidence proves this is a bad idea...
Christopher Reeves steps out of a phone booth in one of the Superman movies. Wooden true, but further investigation shows there is no bottom. It is one of those that stops just below the waist. Hmmm.
The comic books verify that it is glass - WE CAN SEE YOU.
EVEN THE BAD GUYS CAN SEE YOU!
Changing clothes in a phone booth has become such a cliche, Burger King made a Happy Meal toy out of it (I don't know the Burger King version of the Happy Meal).
Even the phone company used Superman in an old ad campaign. How much secrecy are you going to find now? (He has a phone card in his hand - what is he doing? Can't he call whoever this is Collect? "Yes, I have Superman on the line. He says he needs your help saving the planet. Will you accept the charges?" What are you going to say, "No, have him use his phone card to call me back... that cheap bastard..." *click)
For a more in-depth discussion of the Superman in phone booth phenomenon, check out this site. (Also where I borrowed all my pictures)
D | 6/15/2005 09:42:00 PM
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Bano Basics
D | Tuesday, June 14, 2005
That's Spanish for bathroom (the tilde wasn't working) and I'm talking about etiquette here people. I'm talking about The Urinal Rule. Women out there, I have no idea if you know this, but there are rules in the guy's bathroom. You have couches and fancy stalls - we have rules.
All men know there is a protocol for choosing which urinal to use. It's never discussed, never formally taught, it's just known. Some might suggest there are other "guy rules" about male touching (i.e. hugging vs a manly embrace) or rules for male theater experiences (i.e. the one seat rule), but all those are hog wash when compared to The Urinal Rule. This trumps almost everything.
The easiest way to formalize The Urinal Rule is through a quick quiz.* Answers are given upon completion, with brief explanations.
Explanations:
Scenario A - As far away as possible is always the general rule. Urinals 2 and 3 are acceptable, but 1 is by far the best answer.
Scenario B - Urinals 2 or 4 would create a pairing with one of the other two guys. Taking Urinal 3 avoids all problems. Watch out if another guy comes in...
Scenario C - Urinal 1 avoids any pairing and has the added benefit of being an "end" (one side is permanently vacant).
Scenario D - This is getting more tricky. Urinal 4 would create a bathroom with 4 men in a row. Unacceptable. Choosing Urinal 5 only yields 3 men in a row and, as in Scenario C, is an "end."
Scenario E - Clearly the most difficult urinal availability occurrence. Each choice creates 3 men in a row and will place another man on either side of the new user. Best idea at this point, is to do some quick problem solving by asking a few quick questions: 1. Am I in a situation where peeing supersedes The Urinal Rule? Any time there is a line, you must make a choice and go for it. This sort of high traffic bathroom could be a movie theater or ballpark.
2. Am I in a bar? If you are in a bar (sometimes a Frat House), you should look to the sink as a viable alternative. Most likely if there is a line at a bar, some guy has already started this trend and now the sink is being treated as another available urinal alternative. Don't disregard the sink simply on principle or the guy behind you will take your place at the sink and most likely grunt as he pushes you out of the way.
3. If I am not in a superseding situation or a bar, can I wait and not look ridiculous? If you are in a normal bathroom (work, school, etc), odds are good you can casually stroll over to the sink, run some water, look busy, and wait for one guy to finish. Problem solved. *In addition, online research has shown this rule to be so prevalent, that it has even been made into a flash game, The Urinal Game (depending on where you work, this might not be entirely safe for work).
D | 6/14/2005 11:51:00 PM
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Senior Crawl 2003
D | Sunday, June 12, 2005
I never went on "Senior Crawl" when I was at OSU. I am pretty sure I went near one bar, decided it was dumb, and went home to eat Wingslingers and play Scrabble. Well, last Thursday night I found myself out with friends for OSU Senior Crawl night. And because I am a fun loving guy, and because I never went on my senior crawl, and because I had on a regular white t-shirt under my actual shirt - TA DA - I was on my very own Senior Crawl. Shockingly, I actually had a pretty good time (although my crawl was more like an un-inebriated walk which only included two bars - although I did go to Out R' Inn which is my favorite bar on campus).
Thanks to Ben (Kaffe), Ben (Sam), Mia (Adelaide), Hilly, Ash, Ash, Ter, Sarah, and everyone else who I saw who signed my shirt. Better late than never, that's my motto. Rock on, Senior Crawl 2003.
PS: Yes, it is possible my shirt says something about male genitalia. I didn't write it - so don't ask.
D | 6/12/2005 02:58:00 PM
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Quelters
D | Thursday, June 09, 2005
One of my friends from college keeps a LiveJournal, which from time to time is truly hilarious. His name is Chris, but everyone calls him Welter (that's his last name and I have actually heard people say, "Who's Chris? Oh, you mean Welter?"). On his journal (go read it), he has the unique habit of making his point by asking odd , very odd, questions. Sometimes he just writes things down that make no sense at all. And other times, these are valid questions that everyone thinks, but no one says. From now on, I'm calling these completely random, yet often thought provoking inquires a "quelter" or multiples, "quelters" (that's [questions - stions] + [Welter - We], for those not pay attention, pronounced like "quell" plus "ter").
I've complied a sampling of some quelters. For example: Is peach cobbler some type of pie or a pleasant shoe repairman? or Ever wonder why aliens travel millions of miles just to look up peoples butts? or Why don't we just say appropriate, does apropos make me sound any more intelligent? or Is there any non-dirty way to use the term groping? or Would you call the president Alf? or Was crop squares not as catchy? or Why is 32 degrees an important number? or Is BO acceptable? or When are the dancing girls coming? or Do you really want to name your son Big? or Is that Joey from Blossom over there? or Is thinking about this a complete waste of time, or the equivalent of a mental benchpress? And those are just a few examples from the past month. He's crazy.
This post is a shout out to him and all his ridiculous questions he asks. I received a list of questions (quelters? some, perhaps yes) in a junk email. I am now answering some of them as a tribute to the "quelter" (which I just invented (can you really offer tribute to something you just created? I mean, doesn't it have to be around for some minimum amount of time? (look see, I just made my own quelter!))). Enjoy the answers and feel free to comment if you have something to add.
If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
Chairs would all be like beach chairs, with long flat leg supports and our feet would just never hang towards the ground. I'm assuming only my knee bends backwards, not my hip joint. If that assumption is correct then you could kick yourself in the face (which might be something interesting).
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
That's a stupid question. That's like asking, "If ice cream is so great, why is chocolate syrup so popular?" Ok, maybe it's not quite like that, but my answer remains the same - just because something is great already, doesn't mean adding a little something extra wouldn't make it that much better. Besides - men like women, men like naked, or almost naked women, and women like to dress up and feel sexy - so everybody wins.
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
They integrated the non-stick surface into the metal of the pan. It doesn't stick to the pan, it is the pan.
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
I don't know. What are people from Poland called? Forgotten, perhaps.
If con is the opposite of pro, is congress the opposite of progress?
Man, sometimes I just don't know. I think the answer to the question might be "Yes."
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
I did. Also there is something to be said for "going out while you're on top." It is called "grace" and "tact."
If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?
Oh, now that is fun-ny. Hi-sterical. Shut up.
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill herself, is it considered a hostage situation?
My question is, do the negotiators just wait for the other person to come back then take away the weapon? It's not likely that both personalities want to kill themselves, and if that were the case then it wouldn't be a hostage situation because they would both want to be killed. So do they just wait? Or do they ask for the other personality? "Um yes Jekyll, we know you want to kill yourself, but is Hyde available to speak with?"
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?
I dated an art major. I'm pretty sure that is based on the softness (or hardness) of the lead. No big mystery there.
If the cops arrest a mime, do they have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?
From a legal standpoint that answer is yes. My question is what if the person does not speak English? Are the cops required to put forth a good faith attempt to convey Miranda rights in some other language and if language doesn't work do they have to write it down or do charades or something? Not that - that would be funny.
If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone, is it charged with battery?
See, I didn't understand this question at first. I though "it" referred to the person being attacked and the question wanted to know if they acquired an electric charge (as in "is the person electrically charged by a battery")? And yes, now you see, the humor value was lost on me. But now I get it and the answer is No. Inanimate objects cannot be charged with crimes, although that would begin an interesting branch of law - Inanimate torts? You could sue your house if it collapses during a tornado and causes some damage. Neat.
If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?
Not only that, but they wouldn't need to advertise on TV to get business. They could just call and tell you they knew your future and if you wanted to hear it, then it would be $3.75 a minute. There's an idea that would go straight to the Better Business Bureau.
D | 6/09/2005 01:09:00 PM
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Toothpaste
D
I finished a tube of toothpaste as I was brushing my teeth this morning. I don't know if this is a big deal for anyone else, but this is quite the accomplishment for me. I mean, I was the sole user of this one tube of toothpaste since I was living in New York. This tube has accompanied me through 4 residences (possibly 5 depending on your counting method), 3 relationships, and about 10 or 11 months now. This marks the first time I can remember throwing away an empty tube of toothpaste in my entire life. That is impressive to me.
But it got me thinking, if this is one of the first times I can remember finishing a tube of toothpaste, what happened to all the other tubes I have been using throughout my life. Anyone who has dated me knows my aversion to oral hygiene, but let's set that aside for a moment - I've still used quite a bit of toothpaste in my life. My Dad works for P&G for pete's sake; we get it for free. But what has happened to all those other tubes? Do I only use part of a tube before it disappears and I buy/find a new tube? Do I get tired of one flavor and switch to another? Does some magical Toothpaste Fairy switch tubes when one starts running low? Are there thousands of half used tubes of toothpaste lurking in my old sink drawers? Even worse, are there thousands of empty, yucky, gross, crusty tubes waiting to be discovered in my former bathrooms. Some random guest at the New Yorker is going to open my medicine cabinet to find 18 half used tubes of Crest that I left there when I moved.
D | 6/07/2005 05:08:00 PM
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Series 7
D | Monday, June 06, 2005
Just as an update, today I began studying for my Series 7 exam. The NYSE refers to this as a "stringent qualification examination" which all financial representatives must take and pass in order to become a "stock-broker."
The Series 7 Examination is the Qualification Examination for General Securities Registered Representatives. As a qualification examination, it is intended to safeguard the investing public by helping to ensure that registered representatives are competent to perform their jobs. Given this purpose, the Series 7 Examination seeks to measure accurately and reliably the degree to which each candidate possesses the knowledge, skills and abilities needed to perform the critical functions of a registered representative (RR). (link) "Competent to perform my job"... I don't think I have ever been accused of such a thing in any occupation I have held previous to this one. Not even my summer mowing lawns (where I was self employed; "Derek, you are clearly incompetent when it comes to riding a lawn mower." (Bugs Bunny style, I change clothes and quickly appear at the other side of the screen, talking, of course, to myself) "Well Derek, your managerial skills are terribly sub-par when it comes to developing a staff mowing rotation.")
I have a very sweet deal where I have time allocated while I am at work to review study materials (I have two text books, one exam book, one quick guide, and an extensive online testing/learning website - I feel like I am taking an easier version of the LSAT all over again). So for the next 5 weeks I will be studying at work until the second week in July when I will take the test. I'll keep you posted on my progress from time to time, but don't expect anything too exciting. Maybe I'll post a practice question now and then. That'll be fun...
Other than that, life moves forward as planned.
D | 6/06/2005 10:10:00 PM
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The Credit Card Experiment
D | Sunday, June 05, 2005
I am going to try this. A guy decided he was going to sign a lot of random things as his signature for various credit card purchases. He then took copies of all the receipts and scanned them into his computer. He signed his credit card with all of the following:
-scribbles
-a grid
-an "x"
-Zeus, Mariah Carey, Porky Pig, and Beethoven
-hieroglyphics
-stick figures
...and finally...
-"Please check ID" and "I stole this card"
This is hilarious. I am going to try this.
And if you liked that, check out Round II, where the same guy truly pushes the limits of fraudulent credit card spending. Signatures include Shamu, My Butt, Butthole, and Rectum. He tries to buy $16,000 of plasma screen TVs by signing his name "NOT AUTHORIZED." I am laughing so hard at work...
D | 6/05/2005 05:03:00 PM
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I shot the sheriff
D | Wednesday, June 01, 2005
So I was listening to the radio a few days ago and Eric Clapton really started to bug the shit out of me. "I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy." This statement, even as a classic of rock and roll whatever, bothers they hell out of me. The song is about a young guy, presumably Clapton, who is a standard trouble maker and who happens to be on the sheriff's bad side. One day, apparently after getting out of the joint, i.e. prison, the sheriff comes driving down the road looking to "gun-down" Clapton. Clapton, responding to the animal instincts in all of us, pulls out his GAT and pops a cap in the sheriff - but then says, "but I did not shoot the deputy." What? What the Hell? The deputy wasn't even in this story up until now. What's going on? Just look at all the questions I come up with:
1. You've never mentioned the guy - is the deputy shot at all? No. "I did not shot the deputy" and no one else did either. Shooting him didn't even cross my mind. He is walking around thinking about re-decorating the dead sheriff's office.
2. Maybe he is shot, but you think someone else did it? Good point. After I popped the sheriff, I took off running and one of my gang of criminals (also not mentioned in the song) shot him, "but I did not shoot the deputy."
3. Perhaps you wanted to but couldn't - the opportunity just didn't present itself? I would have shot that damn deputy, but I couldn't find him. Damn. Damn deputy.
4. What if you did want to kill him, but decided not to? Was this a measure of mercy? I had the deputy down on his knees, begging for his life, "but I did not shoot the deputy." I was thinking about future plea bargaining scenarios...
Clapton, what are you doing to me man?
D | 6/01/2005 11:11:00 PM
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