I think I might be voting Vinick
D | Wednesday, March 30, 2005

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I just don't know...

That's all.

D | 3/30/2005 10:27:00 PM | 0 comments | Post your comment

Hot Seat
D | Tuesday, March 29, 2005

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I stole this from Welter's most recent post... (everyone with a blog I expect you to steal this and post the link to your answers in my comments; those without a blog, cut and paste your answer into a comment)

1) If you could have one and only one book...
The Republic, Plato

2) One movie...
Star Wars, A New Hope

3) One food...
Wingslingers, Southern Fries

4) One drink...
OJ (yuck...with the fries)

5) One word to describe yourself...
Leader (I considered "Arrogantbastard" but I thought better)

6) One person, currently alive, to have one meal with...
Bill Clinton

7) One type of physical challenge or handicap...
Paraplegic

8) One material possession...
A black OSU ball cap

9) One car, for the rest of your life...
Porsche 911 Carrera convertible (black or red)

10) One pet...
German Shepherd

11) One person, currently dead, to have one meal with...
Socrates

12) One and only one takeback...
Cheating on Jen

13) One risk I wish I would have taken...
Going after my Eagle scout (a close second was jumping off a big rock when rafting in WV)

14) One girl I wish I would have gone after...
Nikki Yankalov (sp?)

15) One CD...
Symphony #9, The New World, Dvorak

16) One age to be for the rest of my life...
25 (but I have a problem with this questions because I don't know what my life will hold in the future - maybe I will want to stay 51 for the rest of my life, how do I know yet?)

17) One bible verse...
N/A

18) One sport...
College Football (to watch) / Tennis (to play)

19) One job...
Litigator (if I could only cross examine and close, I would do that)

20) One place to live...
Cimarron, NM

21) One word to say repeatedly forever...
Neglify (or "sonofabitch")

22) One problem to never have to deal with...
Having a daughter get raped (good answer Welter)

23) One TV show...
West Wing

24) One vacation...
June-Aug 2000

25) One name...
D

Quote of the Day: If you are not living on the edge, you are taking up too much space (my favorite No Fear shirt)

D | 3/29/2005 05:54:00 PM | 10 comments | Post your comment

Star Wars Quiz
D

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EW has posted their very own online Star Wars Triology Quiz. I got 2 wrong out of 15 and guessed correctly on one. The first 5 (original trilogy) are easy, middle five (new trilogy) are hard, and last five (spin-offs) are difficult. Test your skills.

Alex, let me know what you get.

D | 3/29/2005 03:50:00 PM | 7 comments | Post your comment

Quote(s) of the Day
D | Monday, March 28, 2005

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Jason (from work, in a moment of frustration while discussing his wife, who has a proclivity for wrecking automobiles and who just recently crashed his brand new truck into a pole at the mall): Sometimes I just want to lock my self in a room and tell her, 'Don't come in here and bother me unless you've wrecked another car.'

Steph (at dinner, immediately after I gave her a compliment): Wow, a compliment. And a sincere one, a genuine one. And one I didn't have to fish for. And one that's not related to my ass.

D | 3/28/2005 08:44:00 PM | 0 comments | Post your comment

When work is slow...
D | Sunday, March 27, 2005

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Paint by numbers at SegMation

D | 3/27/2005 04:45:00 PM | 3 comments | Post your comment

Jack is back
D | Friday, March 25, 2005

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There is an article out in cyberspace written by a good friend and former roommate from Ohio State - Jack. The post bounces from Schiavo, to Republican thinking, to fixing the Democratic party, to sharing an apartment with your girlfriend without killing each other. It is excellent. And here is how I am going to sell you on reading it:

1. If you know Jack, or have read his blog before -> Go read this post. It is typical Jack-ish style with above average humor and straightforward evaluations.

2. If you do not know Jack, but enjoy politics or political discussions -> Go read this post. Jack fairly presents the Congressional reaction to the Schiavo situation and takes the reader on an insightful look at how Republicans think about large scale politics compared with how Democrats view the same issues. In conclusion, Jack (in a move entirely uncharacteristic of his nature) suggests how the Dems can climb out of this political hole.

3. If you don't know Jack, and don't care about politics -> Go read this post, starting with the final paragraph first. Jack needs to know the "key for domestic bliss." Tell him what it is, and if you enjoyed his writing style, go back the beginning and see how great the rest of his writing can be.

Cheers Jack, a well done post.

D | 3/25/2005 05:38:00 PM | 9 comments | Post your comment

Pimp my Honda Civic
D

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Can someone please explain to me the thought process a person goes through before "pimping out" their Honda Civic? I saw a Civic a few days ago with rims, and lights, and a turbo charged engine - it was wacky. As far as I can guess there are only three real possibilities:

1. The person decides to buy a Civic with the intent of pimping a Civic specifically.
2. The person buys a Civic, then, as an afterthought, decides they want to pimp out their car and all they have is their Civic.
3. No thoughts go into this process.

Someone please explain this to me.

D | 3/25/2005 12:55:00 PM | 4 comments | Post your comment

Birthday Messages
D | Wednesday, March 23, 2005

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#1. Hi. It's me and every time I call you it goes one ring and then it stops ringing and I don't know if that's because you cancel the call every time I call or what. But if that's the case that's really shitty.
And yeah, but otherwise, Hi. And I'm having a great time down here and I'm really freckle-y. And, I don't know, next time I'll probably talk to you, I'll call you on your birthday. I think it's Wednesday, I'm gonna call you Wednesday and wish you Happy Birthday. But if it's not Wednesday, then it's like a blanket Happy Birthday and it covers all days for the week. And I just wanted to say Hi. And actually, I know it's Wednesday, so I'm just going to call you on Wednesday and know that it is your birthday. Happy Birthday on Wednesday, which I will tell you that when I call you. And my friend Alison made out with a midget and I don't even know what to think about that.*


#2. I wanted to call cause it's your birthday. Happy Birthday. I'm walking down the streets of Manhattan and I am exceptionally drunk. But I wanted to call and tell you Happy Birthday. You bastard. Sorry I couldn't call you earlier, I got held up at work. That's a story and a half...man. Anyways, it's your birthday and I'll talk to you later. Seeya.**


*actual transcript from a message left on my voicemail from an un-named friend of mine who is on SB in Daytona
**approx transcript from a message left on my voicemail from a NYC friend at 1:30AM (favorite line, which is a direct quote was "Happy Birthday. You bastard." That kills me.

D | 3/23/2005 10:58:00 PM | 1 comments | Post your comment

New and Improved
D

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It is a work in progress. I will be transitioning all pages over to this totally revamped format (which almost entirely eliminates the "ugly orange"). Keep watching as things change.

And let me know what you think. Post your opinions as comments; I read and respond to everything.

Thanks,
Your Webmaster

D | 3/23/2005 02:26:00 AM | 8 comments | Post your comment

Something is coming
D | Tuesday, March 22, 2005

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Watch this space!

D | 3/22/2005 05:19:00 PM | 3 comments | Post your comment

New Stuff
D | Monday, March 21, 2005

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I got to play with a lot of new stuff in the past two days:

Steph bought a new car - a Hyundai Tiburon - which she graciously let me drive. I like this car quite a bit, it has a 172 hp V6 with the SHIFTRONIC transmission. This is the + and - shifting system which allows the driver to place the can in standard automatic transmission or control the shift points as if the transmission was a manual. It was wonderful!

I bought a new mouse to replace my Microsoft piece of crap what wasn't working anymore. It is small, shiny, optical, and wireless. Neat.

I also spent $80+ on groceries. Not neat so much as good that now I have like three weeks worth of TV dinners.

Also, tomorrow night I will be enjoying some beer that I helped brew. My neighbor and family friend, Mr. D., invited me to brew beer with him a few weekends ago and after a fermentation period it is ready to drink. I am looking forward to this IPA, Indian Pale Ale for the novice or Nati Light Drinkers.

D | 3/21/2005 11:38:00 PM | 3 comments | Post your comment

No one wants to be defeated
D | Sunday, March 20, 2005

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For some reason this weekend provided me with the unique opportunity to demonstrate my wealth of trivial knowledge, in this case about the Michael Jackson video Beat it. Now if you are one of the few unfortunate souls who have yet to see this instant music video classic, well, shame on you. It is wonderful; think West Side Story but with bad 1980's clothes and all characters have just finished snorting crack and solving their Rubiks Cube. In all honesty, I can't put my finger on exactly what makes this video so fabulous (fabulously bad or fabulously good - I don't even know that), but I do know that I want to tell the world all about it.

Its starts off with MJ laying in what one can only assume is his apartment wearing this hideous Piano Shirt. This thing is a disgrace to all things even remotely related to fashion. It looks like something my brother would wear from Goodwill. Apparently this was cool.


MJ leaves his apartment and ends up at somesort of diner/bar establishment. (notice he has completely changed shirts...hmmm)


Then a pool hall.


Throughout the video two rival gangs are amassing members from the street. They all finally end up in a deserted warehouse (read: place where the shizit is going to hizit the fan-izit).


The two gang leaders, "Whitey" in his Bumble-Bee Girl from the Blind Melon video shirt and his Grease Lightning high-school leather jacket and "Ghetto Fabulous" in his Miami Vice sleeves rolled up gay as a jay bird white yet red lined jacket, throw down in the ultimate display of gang leader bravado - the switch-blade knife fight. They even tie their arms together. Wowza.




Fortunately, before either leader chops off the other's arm, MJ randomly strolls into this abandoned warehouse and settles things down with a little dancing.


What ensues, in true West Side Story fashion, is some kick-ass choreographed street gang dance moves - which MJ leads.





For a ton more pics from this video, check out The MJ Music Video Site (link)

D | 3/20/2005 05:55:00 PM | 5 comments | Post your comment

Congress v. MLB
D | Friday, March 18, 2005

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The Congressional hearings into MLB steroids concluded yesterday. I care very little about the testimony or finds or typical congressional rigmarole.

My question is how does Congress have the power to investigate baseball? As a (possibly future) lawyer, I want to know what mechanism gives Congress this power? I am aware that they can, and have in the past, conducted hearings on everything under the sun - from the airline industry (The Aviator) to the tobacco industry (The Insider) to the game show industry (Quiz Show). How?

A little research cured my appetite for information. If you want the full answer, check out this blog entry which is simple, complete, and informative. Here's the quick answer:

Though unstated in the constitution, it is uncontested that Congress has the power to conduct investigations in accordance with its primary function of passing laws. Thus, if a constitutional law could result from an investigation or hearing, then a hearing is a proper exercise of congressional power. Arguments that legislation will not result from an investigation, or that invalid legislation will result, does not relieve Congress of this power. In addition, Congress can hold hearings to determine if existing legislative schemes are functioning as intended. Congress cannot, however, investigate matters of purely private concern. In the situation at hand, it appears that legislation could result from this investigation. Under its commerce power, Congress could pass stricter laws relating to steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs, using the testimony given as evidence of how steroid use has become prevalent in society.

D | 3/18/2005 01:12:00 PM | 2 comments | Post your comment

5 wide, quadruple by-pass - ready, break!
D | Thursday, March 17, 2005

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Today in class (for some reason) we were playing a charades game. We drew cards to see what we would have to act out for our peers to guess. The clue had no reference to anything financial, so it wasn't like we were acting out "stop limit order." One girl, a good friend of mine, draws a card but tells the administrator that she can't act it out because she is not sure what it is. So she draws again and acts out a different card. Once she finishes, I asked what the original card said.

She says that it was some football term that she wouldn't have been able to act out because she doesn't know that much about sports. I press on, "So, what was it?"

She responds with, "Quadruple bypass."

D | 3/17/2005 04:01:00 PM | 0 comments | Post your comment

BrendanLoy.com
D | Wednesday, March 16, 2005

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My life has become complete. I was mentioned by name on BrendanLoy.com (by shear luck). Brendan blogs more than anyone I know, so I tend to read his blog a few times a day. This is a special moment in my online career.

I was the 77th person to submit my NCAA men's bracket choices. This broke his previous record of 76 participants. I rock.

Thanks Brendan!

D | 3/16/2005 11:24:00 PM | 0 comments | Post your comment

Refri-D-gerator
D

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So I went to write the word refrigerator in someone's blog this morning. I spelled it refridgerator. Which, to me, makes sense. But I spell-checked it and I was wrong. Spelled correctly, there is no D. But in the slang version, fridge, there is a D.

Let me explain why this is bullshit.

As I proclaimed my anger with grammar to my classmates in training, someone told me the reason (or at least a reason which I now believe). Refrigerator is the common term used to describe all cold-air ice-box type kitchen devices, but "fridge" comes from a specific model made by Frigidaire. Ok so that is fine with me, but then should the slang term be "frigid," not "fridge." What the hell?

I propose this as a solution: Change the slang. I'm going to be the guy who starts a new slang term for refrigerator. Frigid.

Hey man, grab me a beer out of the frigid.

D | 3/16/2005 10:19:00 AM | 7 comments | Post your comment

Me
D | Tuesday, March 15, 2005

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So I have a new job (which is promising) and a new apartment (which is fabulous) and a great relationship (which is stable), but today sucked. I'm bitching...

• Work is fine but not challenging me at all. I am bored out of my mind with training and look forward to getting back on the phone. Its like that part in Office Space where Peter goes, "Ever since I started working (training), every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every day you see me, it's the worst day of my life." Training isn't that bad, but that is how I feel sometimes. I just want to get back to helping people and running my own show.
  
  
• I came home from work to find out that I had gotten in trouble for doing something I didn't even know I had done wrong. My mantra of "putting down the shovel" doesn't do me any good when I don't even realize I picked it up in the first place. It's not that I don't realize my mistake now, I do, it's just that I thought things were fine only to find out that I was in the dog house. I really like this relationship, so now I have to fix my stupid comments.
  
  
• I went to dinner with another friend and got mad at her for having a love life. That was just me being an ass. I am happy with my love life - I don't really know why I was such an ass. I just kinda got started and couldn't stop myself.
  
  
• Finally, I gave a half apology to someone who I had been an ass to, when she deserved a full apology. Granted, a few days ago she completely stood me up by canceling our plans to go to NYC together, but I shouldn't have been so mean to her. She had a good "grown-up" reason for canceling, but I really tore her down hard. And the half apology only made me feel like shit.
  

Everything in my life is grand; I am kicking ass and doing really well. But for some reason today sucked. Have you ever had one of these days or I am just losing my mind? I can't wait for it to be get warm so I can get my dog.

D | 3/15/2005 07:53:00 PM | 9 comments | Post your comment

Cat Shoots Owner
D | Monday, March 14, 2005

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I have a lot of friends with cats, so I felt like posting a link to this article was my way of providing a PSA.

Cat Shoots Owner

Reports say the guy was in the kitchen when his cat knocked over his loaded handgun which fired and hit him. Either that or the cat picked up the gun and shot the owner, Tom and Jerry style.

Sorry about this, I honestly had nothing to say at all.

D | 3/14/2005 10:50:00 PM | 0 comments | Post your comment

New SAT
D | Saturday, March 12, 2005

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TOBY
Well, get together with somebody at OMB and find out what was wrong with the statistical reality of the old formula.

SAM
Yeah.

TOBY
And do it today.

SAM
[heading out of office] Yeah.

TOBY
It's like when they did that thing with the SAT scores and I got dumber twenty years after I went to college.

SAM
It's a little like that.

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We seriously are going to look dumber. SAT test creators have now changed the scoring system from 1600 to 2400. What the hell? Supposedly the test is "new and improved." But that really depends on who you ask...

Basically, they have added a writing section. Students are required to read a scenario, choose either side, and make a persuasive argument. And all in 25 minutes - gasp. Check out a sample question provided here by the Boston Globe. This particular question doesn't look "easy," but I am sure I could handle it.

In order to add this writing section, and probably because once you've changed one thing its not a bad idea to go ahead and change everything, test creators have altered or eliminated certain sections in reading and math. I think the new test looks to be a better indicator of actual intelligence, but hey, I don't have to take it, so I really don't care.

I am still pissed that I just "got dumber." So to all you lucky highschool students who awoke this morning knowing this fateful Saturday will determine the rest of your college and professional life - I wish you godspeed and dependable #2 pencils.

D | 3/12/2005 12:52:00 PM | 1 comments | Post your comment

Star Wars Episode III Trailer Screen Captures
D | Friday, March 11, 2005

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Star Wars Episode III, Revenge of the Sith
Trailer Screen Captures COMING SOON

After a pain-stakingly annoying multi-tiered media transfer debacle, I have screen captures from the Star Wars Episode II Trailer which debuted after The OC on FOX yesterday night. I wanted to put them up immediately after the premier, but technology wasn't having it. Look for them when I get home from work (6PM or so) Stay tuned.

For now, take a look at the newly released poster. Awesome....


UPDATE:
74 individual screen captures

They are all thumbnailed on their own page here. The page is heavily image intensive so be warned about a possible longer than average load time. If you aren't in the mood to see all 74 pics, here are a few of my favorites.

D | 3/11/2005 02:41:00 PM | 0 comments | Post your comment

Star Wars PANTS
D | Wednesday, March 09, 2005

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A guy on the internet has made a name for himself by coming up inserting the word "pants" into classic Star Wars movie dialog. (link) If you like Star Wars, these are really funny. If you don't like Star Wars, then these are still funny. Some of my favorites:

A New Hope
"I find your lack of pants disturbing." --Darth Vader
"I don't seem to remember ever owning pants."...."The pants are what give a Jedi his power." --Obi-Wan
"Jabba's through with you. He has no time for smugglers who drop their pants at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser." --Greedo

Empire Strikes Back
"I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants."...."Adventure, hah! Pants, hah! A Jedi craves not these things."...."Your pants, you will not need them."..."A Jedi must have the deepest pants . . ." --Yoda
"I don't want your help. I want my pants back. I'm going to need them to get out of this slimy mudhole." --Luke
"Lord Vader, I've reached the main power generator, the pants will be down in moments." --General Veers

Return of the Jedi
"Don't worry. Chewie and I have gotten into pants a lot more heavily guarded than this." --Han
"Your over-confidence is your weakness." "Your faith in your pants is yours." --Luke and Palpatine
"We've got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down." .... "Han will have those pants down. We've got to give him more time!" --Lando
"You are unwise to lower your pants." --Vader

Phantom Menace
"What do you think you're some kinda Jedi waving your pants around like that?" --Watto
"I saw your pants. Only a Jedi carries that kind of weapon." --Anakin
"And you, young Skywalker, we will watch your pants with great intrest." --Senator Palpantine

D | 3/09/2005 04:11:00 PM | 0 comments | Post your comment

Limited Brands in WSJ
D | Tuesday, March 08, 2005

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Since I now read the WSJ almost every day...

Front Page WSJ - For Limited Brands, Clothes Become The Accessories (I would link to the article but WSJ Online requires a paid membership) Basically, the article talks about how Les (whose full name is Leslie, HA HA HA) Wexner is pointing the business away from apparel and more towards lingerie and beauty products. The front page graphic for this article included the following information:

1994 Sale Figures
Apparel 71%
Lingerie 25%
Personal Care 4%

2004 Sales Figures
Apparel 26.6%
Lingerie 41.5%
Personal Care 31.9%

Another quote from the article was from Limited CEO at a corporate meeting when he quoted the Gretchen Wilson song, Redneck Woman, "Victoria's Secret/Well their stuff's real nice/But I can buy same damn thing/On the Wal-Mart shelf half-price." I want a redneck woman who looks like Gretchen Wilson and wears VS. Personally, I couldn't be happier to see Wexner focusing on underwear. Good choice, Les. Good choice.

Rho, my friend and Limited Brands employee, can we get a comment here?

D | 3/08/2005 10:59:00 AM | 13 comments | Post your comment

New World Symphony
D | Monday, March 07, 2005

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Does anyone want to hear my favorite orchestral work of all time. Dvoark's 9th Symphony, The New World Symphony will be performed this weekend by the CSO. Is there anyone in Cincinnati this weekend who wants to go? (I"ll even buy your ticket)

D | 3/07/2005 10:18:00 AM | 4 comments | Post your comment

Law School Prom Wrap-up
D

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Fun times at Law School Prom. I enjoyed myself with a great group of people. I had two wonderful dates (Ter's new blog here). AND, Bradley won free golf - You better take me and Alex.

A few obligatory pics (all the photos here):


The Group


The Girls


The Guys


Some dancing...?

D | 3/07/2005 02:32:00 AM | 4 comments | Post your comment

The Pie Story
D | Friday, March 04, 2005

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It's that time of year again. The Barrister's Ball, AKA Law School Prom. Last year I attended the NYLS smorgasbord (it took me five minutes to find out how to spell that...) of dining, drinking, and dancing - this year the Capital Law School variety, but I expect much of the same hoop-a-la (apparently Capital offers gambling, so that may prove financially profitable or tragically detrimental depending on my levels of alcohol consumption). This year I am going with my friends Ashley (Ash) and Teresa (Ter), and word on the street is both have "little black dresses." This could be dangerous...

Last year I was living in NYC and enjoyed my Barrister's Ball experience very much. Mostly because of what happened after the ball. This story has been requested many times and typically I chose to keep this one to myself. It is one of my favorites for what it meant to me and what it means to Bernard who actually gave me the line (Thanks Buddy!). So... I've had a great week and I am looking forward to a even better weekend. In the spirit of this weekend's Barrister's Ball and upcoming March Madness, I now present:


THE "PIE" STORY

INT - Present - Close up - DEREK looks up thoughtfully, remembering last year. Wavy lines and that goofy music fade to...

EXT - Last year, March - New York City, Chelsea Piers to New Yorker Hotel, 1AM
It is after the ball and I am walking home to my hotel (yes, I lived in a hotel) from Chelsea Piers where the event was held. Standing on the corner trying to hail a cab is a girl from my law school class (we will call her ANNE to protect the innocent). We know each other by name, but only barely. I offer to help her get a cab, which is pretty sparse on this side of the city at this time of night. I offer to walk her into the city a bit farther and see if we can get a cab there. She agrees. We start walking and talking. A great conversation ensues and she is absolutely intriguing and delightful. Without knowing it, we've stop trying to find a cab and end up walking all the way back to my hotel.

DEREK (gesturing to the building)
Well, this is me.

ANNE
You live in a hotel?

DEREK
Yeah. And no, they don't clean my room every day. That's always the next question...

ANNE
That sucks.

DEREK
Eh, it's not too bad.

(long awkward pause)

DEREK (seizing the moment - confident, yet playful)
Would you like to get some pie?

ANNE (confused)
Pie?

DEREK
Yeah, I know a great pie place.

(beat)

ANNE
Um, ok. Sure. When?

DEREK
It's 1AM, what are you doing now?

(beat)(she looks my in the eyes and smiles)(I've got her...)

ANNE
Pie?

DEREK
You'll love it. My treat.

ANNE (reluctant, but with a hint of excitement)
Yeah, alright.

DEREK extends his arm, which she accepts, and they walk inside. END SCENE

D | 3/04/2005 05:34:00 PM | 3 comments | Post your comment

Barbershop
B

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I have a lot of respect for barbers: Charlie Brown's father was a barber, my grandfather was one as well. When Derek lived in New York, we'd occasionally get our haircut together at a place called Chelsea Barbers. It's a tiny place. Three chairs, three barbers, no appointments. Everyone waits in line to get their haircut.

When we'd go, Derek would take his turn and let whoever of the three had an opening cut his hair. I on the other hand am particular about who touches my head. There's only one barber I trust and we've gotten to the place where he knows what I want. We share a common language. It's one that we've developed over a year of haircuts. Even if I'm unclear he somehow is able to decipher what I want. I don't know his name, he doesn't know mine. I tip big so he knows that I like what he does and he spends the time on me even if there's a big line behind me. We have a relationship.

So today I planned on getting my haircut. My hair is at that length where it's beginning to look ridiculous, but not out of hand. It's a preemptive cut. Anyway, I walk in to Chelsea Barbers and don't see my guy. I start to panic. I see only one barber I know (he cut Derek's hair a couple times and did a good job) but he's not my guy. I look at my hair in the mirror. It's pretty long. So now I have that moment where I have to make the call: do I leave and come back when my guy is here or do I bite the bullet and get a haircut by one of these nice gentlemen? It was a tough call. But I decided that I should live dangerously. I got my haircut.

The second I sat down in the chair I felt guilty. It's like what I imagine having an affair felt like. I've never had an affair. It's so adult.

This guy did a good job. Not as good as my guy, but I think my perspective might be colored. I'm not thinking straight. Truth be told I'm a little woozy. Did he slip me a mickey when I wasn't looking? Did I, even for a brief moment, enjoy it? I'm jumping into the shower right now with my clothes on.

B | 3/04/2005 03:13:00 AM | 2 comments | Post your comment

I'm back with an IRAC
D | Thursday, March 03, 2005

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I'm back. After a prolonged absence, I am back online. Regular posting will now commence. As such, I present my first IRAC in almost a year: Walden v. Time Warner Cable

Facts: I live on the first floor of a house which has been separated into two residences. Matt, the home owner landlord, lives on the second and third floor. I have no cable service and no internet service. He currently has cable service in his living room but needed to 1. activate his bedroom line and 2. get internet.

Issue: On Tuesday I called Time Warner Cable, pretended to be Matt, and discussed adding service to the house. I wanted to establish cable service for our entire house and split with Matt one rate for cable and internet.

Rule(s): The cable company will not establish one service for multiple residences. Nor will the cable guys do anything not listed on an official work order.

Application/Analysis: So the two cable guys showed up and we told the head guy what we wanted. As soon as he saw Matt's kitchen upstairs (i.e. a second kitchen) he busted us. He instructed us we would have to establish two separate lines, upstairs and downstairs, and pay twice as much. In addition, they would have to come back later since they didn't have a work order for my apartment.

Conclusion: Smooth talking ensued. After convincing the guy to call-in a "special favor" and have a work order issued directly to him, he set me up with my own service line. They turned on my cable, set me up with internet, and put in another outlet for me (all on the "special favor" work order). They also executed the original work order and installed a second outlet upstairs for Matt. And for some reason when Matt mentioned that he didn't have a wireless card, the head guy also threw in a free card (I don't know why, he just liked Matt I guess). So in the end, and after $20 in tips, we had all the services we needed, but will end up paying about $25 buck more per month.

D | 3/03/2005 08:07:00 PM | 1 comments | Post your comment

Joke of the day
D | Wednesday, March 02, 2005

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So I heard this joke/monologue on the radio yesterday. I probably won't do it justice because some things are funny only when you hear them and not at all when you read them, but who cares...

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Yeah, so I used to be an Engineer. A Civil Engineer. Built roads and stuff. It sucked, so now I'm a comedian. (allow for laughter) Did you know there is a division of engineering called "Solid Waste." That's always been funny to me. I knew guys in the field, it actually said "Solid Waste" on their business cards. Just like:

BOB SMITH
SOLID WASTE

(allow for laughter) Yeah, I know. Can you imagine trying to pick up a girl at a bar with that job?

So what do you do?
I'm a Engineer.
Really, what kind?
Solid Waste.
Oh, ok... So, how'd you pick that?
Eh, just kinda fell into it.

D | 3/02/2005 06:56:00 PM | 2 comments | Post your comment

CONTEST: Carrot Top or...?
B

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It's a game my friend Cherish taught me. The point is to gauge who you would be more willing to have sex with: Carrot Top or someone else. If you could find someone that would make you pick Carrot Top it's a feat.

Some examples:
1. Carrot Top or Wilford Brimley?
Brimley in a walk.
2. Carrot Top or Dame Judi Dench?
Gotta go with Dame Judi on that one.
3. Carrot Top or Chris Kattan?
Oh that's a good one. I don't really want to decide. Please don't make me. Do I have to have my eyes open while I'm...well then I guess Kattan then?

So here's the contest. The person that comes up with the biggest stumper on this game will win $20 from Mr. Derek Walden. The winner will get a check in the mail from the man himself. One can enter by posting a comment to this message. Enter as many times as you like. I will be the lone judge on this contest so good luck on creativity/grossing me out.

The deadline for this contest will be Wednesday, 09 March 2005 at midnight.

B | 3/02/2005 02:00:00 AM | 7 comments | Post your comment

Tere
D | Tuesday, March 01, 2005

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Thise poste ise fore onee ofe mye neweste friendse, Tere. Ae delightfule younge womane, Tere (whosee fulle namee ise Teresae), ise ae friende whoe Ie mete laste weekende ine Columbuse. Wee enjoyede spititede discussione one a numbere ofe topicse (includinge TFinge) ande Ie looke forwarde toe enjoyinge here companye thise weekende ate thee "Lawe Schoole Prome."

(Ine casee anyonee ise wonderinge, Tere can'te typee ande shee addse "e"se toe everye worde shee typese. Funnye, huhe?)

D | 3/01/2005 12:04:00 PM | 4 comments | Post your comment

We're off the list
D

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As predicted by my Crim Law professor over a year ago, in today's 5-4 decision the Supreme Court has banned the execution of minors.

Now we are "off the list" (WW, Episode 1.9, Take this Sabbath Day)

SAM
The U.S. is one of five countries on earth that puts to death people who're under the age of 18 when they committed a crime.

CHARLIE
Nigeria.

SAM
Pakistan.

CHARLIE
Saudi Arabia and Iran?

SAM
Yeah. So, that's a list we definitely want to be on.