Alex!!!
D | Thursday, December 30, 2004

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I read this an immediately thought of Alex....

http://theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4052&n=3

D | 12/30/2004 07:55:00 PM | 1 comments | Post your comment

So wrong...
D

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This was on the entry page to www.si.com ; redefining "roughing the passer"

D | 12/30/2004 05:56:00 PM | 0 comments | Post your comment

Help with a photo
D

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So everyone at work has a photo taped to their computer. Think Cougar in Top Gun, how he has the photo of his wife and kid taped in the cockpit of his F-14, "I almost orphaned them today and I've never even seen them" - it's kinda like that. The guy who is engaged has his fiance, the girl with two kids has them sitting with Santa, things of this nature. Well, I have no pictures taped to my computer. And I would like to have a picture taped to my computer. So, if you think there is a particular picture I should tape to my computer - either of you, or you and me, or something or someone totally unrelated, like a llama - just post a comment and email me the picture or a link to the picture. I will print it out, tape it to my computer, take a photo of the photo taped to my computer, and post that picture to verify that I have complied.

Go to work.

D | 12/30/2004 01:24:00 PM | 2 comments | Post your comment

Wacky legal moments of 2004
D | Wednesday, December 29, 2004

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Court TV counts down (actually up) the 20 craziest legal moments in 2004

My favorites:
#5. A defense attorney compares the victim to Caesar. Seriously, you defense attorneys (Alex) are the worst...
#10. A judge who used a male enhancement pump while at the bench. Seriously, you judges (Bradley) are a little off balance...
#13. An attorney begins barking in the courtroom. Just proving the "lawyers are dogs" joke true.
#17. The rhyming judge from Pennsylvania. Funny, but so dumb.
#18. A Texas judge throws a party for a returned absentee felon. Talk about sassy...wow, don't piss her off.
#19. A defendant moons the court. I have soooo wanted to moon any number of "honorable" members of the court (Judge Pheeny, perhaps).

D | 12/29/2004 05:47:00 PM | 0 comments | Post your comment

Goodbye Lennie
D

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Jerry Orbach passed away late Tuesday night of prostate cancer (news). Orbach had recently departed from his standard role of Lennie on NBC's Law and Order in order to begin work on a separate Law and Order spin-off. As a die-hard Law and Order fan, I will truly miss his presence in the series and great work on film and in the theater.

On a lighter (and now greatly inappropriate) note, given Lennie's departure from the show, the now infamous Derek, Alex, and Brad Law and Order Drinking Game will need to be re-worked. One of the classic stand-bys in the show, and the game, was drinking whenever Lennie made a comment about an ex-wife, drinking, or any witty one-liner. Without his character, those aspects will need to be accounted for in the re-worked drinking game. New rules are in development.

D | 12/29/2004 12:27:00 PM | 0 comments | Post your comment

Firebirds continue winning
D

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The Lakota West High School boy's basketball team won a big game last night against the #1 St. Xavier Bombers. West is now 8-0 on the season. Keep it up West!!!

D | 12/29/2004 11:42:00 AM | 0 comments | Post your comment

No make-up? You're fired
D | Tuesday, December 28, 2004

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So I am not too sure what I think about this ruling on a recent case, thus I am searching for other people's opinions. And by other people, I mean all my other lawyer and lawyer-ish friends. I want comments. Bear with me, it has been a while since I wrote one of these (it feels kinda funny). Here's the dealio...

Harrah's Casino instituted a new grooming and appearance policy which requires female beverage servers to wear make-up. Male servers have other requirements which include many other grooming items. Darlene Jespersen, a highly evaluated and dedicated Harrah's bartender, refuses to comply with these new requirements and is terminated after working there for 20 years. She files a law suit under Title VII which makes illegal employer discrimination in the workplace on the basis of sex. A lower court throws out her claim, granting a summary judgment in favor of Harrah's because the are no issues of material fact. The 9th Circuit now upholds that ruling.

The majority reasoned that simply because different requirements exist for male and female employees that fact alone does not constitute discrimination on the basis of sex. For the court to rule in favor of the defendant, the plaintiff must carry their burden of production to demonstrate that there exists an imbalance in the dress requirements, i.e. the requirements place a higher burden on a female employee than a male employee. The majority applied what it called the "unequal burden" test, finding that the male employees also had similar dress code requirements, thus the plaintiff had no actionable claim.

The dissent suggested that by forcing female employees to wear make up, Harrah's was perpetuating a "commonly accepted sexual stereotype" which the court should strike down. The dissent relies heavily on PriceWaterhouse (an older case coming before the "unequal burden" test) which found that discrimination was present when an employer refused promotion to a female employee for failing to act "more feminine." The dissent also believed that there were issue of material fact; the application of make-up may constitute some form of higher burden on which the court (or a jury in this case) should hear learned testimony.

That's the case in a nut shell. If you've made it this far....
Average enlightened readers - CNN.com story and summary (if you are interested)
Superdork lawyer/law school losers - Findlaw.com actual 9th Circuit Decision (with Dissent)


Here's my take on it: I agree with the majority in so much as the application of different dress standards for separate genders does not constitute discrimination. Men and women dress differently and it needs to be ok for an employer to establish dress codes based on gender, provided those restrictions are not unduly burdensome to one particular gender. There is an argument to be made surrounding particularly cosmetics perpetuating a female sexual stereotype, but I'm not buying it. What I am buying is that a jury should have heard this case. Judicial notice can bite me. While I continue to side with the majority opinion's logic, I think there is an issue of material fact, namely whether the application of make-up is "unevenly burdensome" to females, and I would have let this one go to trail for a jury to decide.

D | 12/28/2004 08:35:00 PM | 0 comments | Post your comment

I'm working New Years Day? Since when?
D

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So I came back from my break today at work and sat down at my computer. I opened up my Outlook to find this new email from my boss:

You've got it

thanks

Hmmm? Got what? So I back-track this message to find the email to which he is replying. And then I find this:

Hey Larry, go ahead and sign me up for both Saturday and Sunday overtime. The full amount of time that is available.

thanks

Derek Walden
Customer Service Representative
derek.walden@fmr.com

OK, so this is pretty concerning. Did I sign up for some extra shifts? I don't recall signing-up for two more 8 hour shifts, but it is quite possible - I was mind-numbingly tired yesterday and remember very little of anything I did. I remember signing up for my standard overtime till 8PM on weekdays, but I don't think I would voluntarily work New Year's Day. And then it hits me.

I didn't send this email. I did forget to lock my computer while I was on break.

My boss sent an email to himself from my unlocked computer voulenteering me for inordinate amounts of overtime and then sent me back a reply to his own email. That was a pretty good office prank. "Both funny and well executed."

D | 12/28/2004 05:30:00 PM | 0 comments | Post your comment

Bradley!!!
D | Monday, December 27, 2004

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Bradley (and everyone else) - GO READ THIS BLOG POST AND LAUGH!!!

Yub yub, man. Yub Yub.

D | 12/27/2004 07:56:00 PM | 0 comments | Post your comment

Did we mention the asteroid?
D

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The most recent episode of the West Wing (Impact Winter, derekwalden.com recap here, TWOP recap here) was horrible. One particular sub-plot involved an asteroid crashing into the Earth. Ridiculous? I sure thought so....

Apparently life is imitating art. My friends, I shit you not. Indeed there is a large hunk of space rock hurtling towards Earth. The NASA Near Earth Object Program has been making waves about an asteroid that is breaking all kinds of records. Named "2004 MN4," this rock has been rated a 4, the highest point value to date on The Torino Scale (which in itself is hilarious, totally take a minute to look at this scale - any scale which includes the words "collision is certain, capable of causing global climatic catastrophe that may threaten the future of civilization as we know it" is one bad-ass scale). Oh, and by the way, the estimated date of impact - Friday the 13th (April 2029, so we have some time).

There is good news though. In the last few days the rock has been totally downgraded back to a 0 on The Torino Scale of Doom. NEO has also updated the impact range to 2039-2097, so forget about 2029 and they updated the chance of impact to 1:56,000 from 1:45. Now NEO has been watching this rock float through space for 288 days - so it's not like this is some huge surprise and it is a huge floating hunk of inanimate rock - so it's not like it is spontaneously changing shape or propelling itself in different directions. So here's my real question: What the hell kind of fucked up "science" is astronomy anyway where something can go from a near death cataclysmic crash to a 1:56,000 chance? I beat it is just like Sociology. I hate disciplines claiming to be a science...

-Thanks to Brendan for the initial heads up on this ridiculous story.

UPDATE 12-28-04 12:28AM: NEO has placed 2004 MN4 back at a 1 rating with a 1:26,000. Earth's total destruction is a crap-shoot based on the most recent observations of one lone guy at NASA with an $8 Fisher Price telescope. I mean eventually we will get to a point where I can just look out my window and see if it is going to crash into my house right?

D | 12/27/2004 06:59:00 PM | 0 comments | Post your comment

X-Mas Top Ten List
D | Saturday, December 25, 2004

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From the home office in West Chester, Ohio, tonight's Top Ten List.

Top Ten Things I've Loved About My X-Mas in Ohio

#10. Home Alone on 3 channels simultaneously
#9. Family Time
#8. Sweets (having a mother who is a teacher pays some sweet dividends around Christmas time)
#7. Playing Chess (or teaching)
#6. 4x4 wheel drive, more generally snow driving
#5. Watching 3 white-tailed deer wander into my neighbors yard
#4. Shoveling snow (strange, but true)
#3. A White Christmas
#2. Guitar Sing-Alongs (me singing, other people not singing)
#1. Fires in a fireplace

D | 12/25/2004 09:59:00 PM | 0 comments | Post your comment

Snow Photos
D | Friday, December 24, 2004

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A few quick photos from "The Winter Storm of 2004"


Used in my driveway, the ruler showed 7.5 inches. It was deeper in other places.



My house all snow covered.



Me atop a snow bank pointing as if to say "look pa, a mailbox."



Still me.



I made that. It sucked because the snow was too frozen to move.

D | 12/24/2004 07:04:00 PM | 0 comments | Post your comment

Bite me!
D | Thursday, December 23, 2004

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Dear Mr. Fidelity-
You totally screwed me and all your other new employees yesterday by promising one thing and then doing the total opposite. Enticing us to work extra hours with the promise of a free evening in a hotel and then 3 hours later totally retracting that promise is unacceptable. That is not the way to treat your employees if you want them to remain happy and productive in the work place. Your behavior yesterday was poorly planned, horrifically executed, and severely tacking tact and discretion.

As such, and in full repayment, I will not be reporting to work today. But mostly because there is a Level 3 Snow Emergency and I would get arrested if I tried to drive to work. Have a pleasant holiday.

Un-sincerely yours-
Derek

D | 12/23/2004 10:28:00 AM | 0 comments | Post your comment

Oh the weather outside is frightful...
D | Wednesday, December 22, 2004

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UPDATE 6:07PM: They screwed us. Fidelity has just informed all their newest staffers that there were not enough rooms at the hotel, so we have no place to stay. "So now you guys can go home." No, jackass, we stayed these extra three hours because you promised us we would 1.have a place to stay and food to eat (for free), 2.not have to drive home, and 3.not have to drive in tomorrow morning. Now none of those things are true. Needless to say, Fidelity has some really pissed off staff.

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UPDATE 3:53PM: Fidelity has (essentially) closed the Cincinnati and Northern KY investment phone sites. As such, they have offered to put up employees in a nearby hotel if they agree to work tomorrow. Staying in a hotel for free, not having to drive home in 6 inches of snow, and working some OT...Priceless!

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North of Cincinnati we are expecting 4-8 inches by tomorrow morning with final accumulations reaching 7-12 inches by Thursday night. Snow angels at my house!!!


View out my window at work.

D | 12/22/2004 03:04:00 PM | 0 comments | Post your comment

I knew it!
D

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CNN.com is reporting on a family who is suing Wal-Mart for selling a gun to a mentally ill 24 year old woman. She would later use the gun to commit suicide. Although the family is suing for $25 million dollars (talk about looking for deep pockets, it doesn't get any deeper than Wal-Mart), the case is essentially a publicity stunt that will try to change the laws about gun purchase background checks to include more mental illness records.*

Why is this blog-worthy? A quote from the gun industry representative:

The suggestion that Wal-Mart should have checked prescription records infuriates Erich Pratt, a spokesman for the Virginia-based group Gun Owners of America. "Does that mean mental illness prevents everyone on Prozac from owning a gun? Or women with PMS?" he said.

I knew it! I knew it. PMS is comparable to a mental illness. Women with PMS are equivalent to raving homicidal psychotic maniacs. I knew it. PMS=mental defect. Finally, the gun industry and I are seeing eye to eye.


*Law school friends who are currently on break: please identify the issue and rule, analyze the facts and relevant law, and provide an appropriate conclusion of how a court would rule. Take care to address any breaches of duty on behalf of Wal-Mart. 500 words due by Friday.

D | 12/22/2004 10:02:00 AM | 0 comments | Post your comment

The big metal thingy
D | Tuesday, December 21, 2004

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This evening, I went on a quest for information. Every time I drive down 75 into downtown Cincy I see this huge construction site with a massive metal scaffolding rising upwards. None of my friends seemed to know what it was. So now, I share my new found information here.

The Cincinnati Convention Center is constructing a massive $160 million dollar expansion. It sits on the corner of 5th and Central on the eastern-most side of the city. You can see the entire structure from Interstate 75. Check out a really cool aerial view below. The expansion includes an enormous glass front (pic1, pic2) and a gigantic "Cincinnati" sign (pic1, pic2). The Cincinnati sign might be a bit bizarre, but we shall see in time. Check out all the pictures here.

D | 12/21/2004 07:08:00 PM | 0 comments | Post your comment

Blogging from Fie-delity
D

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+People down south call us and say, "Yeah - I got some of my money with you people up there at Fie Delity (pronounced fee-fie-foe-fum-delity)." That cracks me up.

+My friend Drew was singing Kenny Roger's The Gambler today. So that resulted in us breaking out in song at 9:30 in the morning. Drew did make an interesting point: People refer to Kenny Rogers as "The Gambler" when in fact, he is just the guy on the train who was just chillin' with The Gambler. The song goes, "On a warm summer's eve, on a train bound for no where, I met up with a gambler, we were both too tired to sleep." Kenny is the guy. We decided people call him The Gambler because it sounds cooler than "The guy on the train sitting next to The Gambler."

+Later I was singing (what I thought was) to myself. I got to the chorus, "You got to know when to hold 'em..." and Drew jumped in with the back-up girl's high pitched echo line, "When to hold 'em." It was so funny - I totally lost it. Drew was singing the B Line. If you don't know what part I am talking about listen to the last chorus of the track (or wait til tonight when I toss up a sound clip).

+There are two concerts I would like to attend in the new year. If anyone wants to go with me, let me know and I'll grab some tickets. I'd love to get a group to go.
Gavin DeGraw at Bogarts $20
Kristin Chenoweth and The Cincinnati Pops Orchestra $21

D | 12/21/2004 01:58:00 PM | 1 comments | Post your comment

Fury of vandals
D | Monday, December 20, 2004

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First, read the following quick article:
Vandals steal Christmas Lights

Second, read the transcript of an actual conversation between two co-workers:
Mike: People are stealing lights from the Cincinnati Zoo
John: That's ridiculous man.
M: Yeah, the article says a fury of vandals are stealing them lights. And squirrels are something to...
J: What?
(I look over and read the headline)
Derek : Furry! Furry vandals. The squirrels are stealing the lights man.

Third, read another co-worker's email comments regarding this conversation:
First of all, dude is retarded. Second, what the hell kind of news story is that? Breaking news by Channel 5!!!!! Who cares if squirrels are stealing light bulbs. Move over Iraq bombings, here come the squirrels.

Wow. Work is awesome.

D | 12/20/2004 09:43:00 PM | 0 comments | Post your comment

Crack Stix
D | Sunday, December 19, 2004

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OK. So I think one of my friends has executed some strange practical joke on me. I got the following in the mail yesterday. Other than what I have read on the packaging, I have no idea what it is, nor did I ever request one of these. I don't think my name is on any list-serve which would send me one of these. I have no idea what is going on. If this is a practical joke, "I will say it was both funny and well-executed."

Can someone please explain what this is or what is going on? Click on the pictures to pull up the full scale images. Thanks for your help with this mystery.


1. This is the padded envelope in which my surprise arrived. Dalton Enterprises? Latex-ite? I thought I might be getting some revolutionary new condoms, but it was not to be.



2. This is what was inside. A long black stick was affixed to a card, which resided in a plastic zip-lock bag.



And here we have the Crack Stix. Apparently, this is a device used to seal the cracks in your asphalt driveway. You place it in the crack, heat it to extremely high temperatures, and it expands to fill in the gaps. From this description I've deduced the following: 1. Someone took the time to notice that our driveway is very old and has many cracks, yet failed to notice it is concrete and not asphalt, thus sending me this product as a gesture of better driveway maintenance or 2. Someone thinks I should use this product in some way to seal some of my own bodily orifices, thus sending me this product as a funny way of saying "Go to Hell." I'm hoping it's #1.




Crack Stix card - front





Crack Stix card - back.




What the hell? Someone please explain.

D | 12/19/2004 06:02:00 PM | 4 comments | Post your comment

Firebirds lead the GMC
D | Saturday, December 18, 2004

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My alma mater, Lakota West Highschool, is leading the Greater Miami Conference with an impressive 6-0 record. We beat up on rival Lakota East in our game last week and came back to win against Hamilton Friday night.

This week's coaches poll, updated on Mondays, should have West in the #2 or possible even #1 position.

I might have to go to a game or two. I'll bring my trumpet, pretend I am in the band, and get in for free. Wow, it's like $4.00. I am a loser.

D | 12/18/2004 05:43:00 PM | 0 comments | Post your comment

Batman
D

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So Batman was great. Nicholson as the Joker is so much more funny when you watch, and laugh, with a room full of people. The print was old, so it had a nice grain-y textured feel. It was in a smaller theater, so I didn't feel the full power of the sound. But all in all, the experience was awesome. I was so excited just to be seeing it on the big screen, I think it would have watched it projected on the side of a cardboard box.

The moment my friend Bree made fun of me the most: Trailers- 20th Century Fox Logo - I perked up a little with anticipation - LucasFilm Logo - my arms shot skyward and I loudly exclaimed "YES!" along with all the other super-dorks in the theater. (Think of the moment in Matrix:Reloaded where Neo flies in and grabs Morpheous and The Key Maker off the back of the exploding semi. Back on the ship, Link watching the action on the computer, shoots his arms up in the air and yells "YES." That was me.)

D | 12/18/2004 03:31:00 PM | 0 comments | Post your comment

Who wants to get down on this?
D | Friday, December 17, 2004

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$50 bucks on 4th Circuit Judge

Betting on Supreme Court Justices - it doesn't get any more "law-scholl-super-nred" than that. I got $1 on Alex and $1 on Brad, both at 1:1,000,000,000,000 odds. I'll let you know if I win.

D | 12/17/2004 01:48:00 PM | 0 comments | Post your comment

Brad's Bachelor Party
D | Thursday, December 16, 2004

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Since it appears that Bradley is speeding towards impending doom (marriage) at break-neck speeds with reckless disregard for his own safety and the safety of those around him, Alex and I have taken upon ourselves to being planning his mandatory bachelor party.*

For those of you who know Bradley, you know that he is one ridiculous party animal. He loves a good kegger with non-alcoholic beer, war monument sight-seeing on a "vacation," and a wicked game of Trivial Pursuit. So planning a bachelor party for Bradley is a true challenge - but one Alex and I embraced with gusto.

Alex and I began our pre-planning after the regional Ohio high-school football game in Dayton (Brad's team lost, Booo). Sitting with Bradley, Niki, Alex and myself at Applebees, Alex took the following notes on a napkin (which I found in my jacket pocket yesterday, thus bringing about this post):

Brad's Bachelor Party

2 strippers -
1 dressed as Union soldier
1 dressed as Confed. soldier

Gettysburgh** re-enactment
in mud AND WRESTLING***

"Reconstruction"

*Niki we still love you and how much you have loosened up Bradley (he used to be more of a tight-ass than he is now - unbelievable yes, but true)
**Yes folks, Alex did place an H on the end of Gettysburg
**Derek added "AND WRESTLING" in all CAPS

D | 12/16/2004 07:26:00 PM | 4 comments | Post your comment

The asteroid
D | Wednesday, December 15, 2004

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West Wing tonight has promised to suck. In China, the President is a vegetable and on the home-front, an asteroid is crashing to earth and the only person left to save the day is Josh.

Damn it.

I will post more later this evening.

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Later this evening.

OK, so I was right. The episode would have been a solid episode if 1.there were no stupid ridiculous asteroid 2.Donna didn't just walk out on Josh. This is the problem with letting other writers (and producers) take over another author's vision. The new guys don't know the characters, they don't know the style, they don't get it. They force dramatic tension (the President firing Leo), create half baked plot lines (flying asteroids which miss the earth anyway), and don't remain true to the original characters (Josh won't give Donna the time of day-Donna just leaves). Bad, bad, bad. I am sad, sad, sad.

I will say this, there was one redeeming moment in the whole episode. Martin Sheen has got a bunch of Emmy nominations for good reason. His scene with Abby was captivating and powerful. I felt that he was Aaron-Sorkin Jed Bartlett, "lost, frustrated, still searching for salvation" - not John-Wells Jed Bartlett, running around crusading for world peace. Great acting can even shine through the impending nuclear winter of an asteroid crash. Also, Kristin Chenoweth is a refreshing breath of fresh air.

D | 12/15/2004 06:07:00 PM | 0 comments | Post your comment

Good News
D | Tuesday, December 14, 2004

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Two great news stories today:

1. Blockbuster is eliminating late fees (sorta). As of January 1st, 2005, Blockbuster will be adding a one week grace period for late movies. For people like me, this is great. I was proud to read that the estimated revenue from late fee people, like myself, is somewhere between 250-300 million dollars. Yes indeed, slackers power the economy.

2. Real American Heroes - The Wingman - Now for rent. Apparently the next time you go out, you can "rent" a wingman or wingwoman. Interesting. I though this was called an "escort service?" But apparently this is a real deal. I would expect to find this sort of thing on The Onion, but there it was on CNN.com. I suppose the good news is now Bernard can make $50 an hour the next time we go out....

D | 12/14/2004 10:39:00 PM | 0 comments | Post your comment

A Modest Proposal
B | Monday, December 13, 2004

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I'm sitting in my barber shop last Thursday afternoon about to get a haircut when I get a phone call from Derek.

D: "There's this thing I need your help with."

ME: "What can I do for you?"

D: "There's this guy named Ben Coleman and he's proposing to his girlfriend Mia in New York. He needs your help."

And that's how it started. Now I don't know Ben; I couldn't pick him out of a lineup. But he asked for Derek and he got me.

After Derek's initial phone call, here's what I knew: Mia was in New York from Columbus with a couple of girlfriends on a mini shopping excursion, the girls were staying at a place in Times Square and lastly, without Mia knowing Ben was flying in to propose in a restaurant the girls would be eating in on Monday night. Ben, with the help of the girls that were with Mia, could choose any restaurant in the city. I suggested this great little restaurant called db Bistro that is within walking distance of Times Square. Derek took that information and went to Ben with it.

Now here's where things got sticky. I wasn't sure I could do that much more for Ben because I worked Monday night at my own restaurant, Jefferson.

In regards to an unrelated matter, I called Jenni on Friday. Immediately she starts telling me that she knows Ben because he had dated Jenni's best friend back in the day. So now I have some help. A co-conspirator if you will.

ME: "How much help does this guy need?"

J: "A lot."

ME: "I'm not sure how much help I can be."

J: "Bernard, you're the perfect guy for this. This is your thing."

This is my thing? I'm terrible with love. The most recent relationship I've had with any woman was over a year ago and it ended in disaster. The one time I proposed the girl said yes and then she eventually broke my heart to be with my then best friend. (They're married now thankyouverymuch.) Currently, I can't bring myself to tell the woman I'm in love with just that. This most certainly is not my thing. In any case, I've stumbled away from the story at hand.

Jenni relayed Ben's plans to me. Ben wanted Jenni to pose as a server at the restaurant and get the ring to Mia and as she realized that this was her engagement ring, Ben would pop out of an obscure corner and propose. I immediately balked. I didn't know of any restaurant that would let Jenni act as a server, under any pretense, and it seemed slightly half baked to me. All of these issues seemed to boil down to one thing in my mind: I didn't have control. So I told Jenni that we should change the location to my restaurant, Jefferson. (This is known, for those of you who like SEX AND THE CITY, as the restaurant that Cynthia Nixon's character had her wedding reception at.) Since I was working already, I figured I could control all of the elements and set this situation up pretty nicely.

Eventually we heard again from Ben on Sunday and he mentioned a new plan that involved anonymously sending Mia's table food and drink from a "secret admirer." We got off the phone with him and decided to start brainstorming on every scenario. Should the ring be presented on a plate? Should it be touching any food item? Should he have a bouquet of flowers? How about just one single flower? And on and on.

Then I decided that the proposal should be simple. He should come in and pop the question. No trickery. No added flava. The moment should be sweet and memorable and nothing should distract from it. So I thought that at dessert I could bring her Jefferson's house chocolate birthday cake with a sparkler and Ben could be behind me and when I drop it I'd declare, "This is for a special occasion." Mia would be reply, "What special occasion?" Then Ben would pull her chair out (with her in it) and then he'd kneel in front of her and ask the question he flew to New York to ask. It was a simple plan. I liked it. And so did Jenni. So that's what we decided.

Now it's Monday and a couple hours before the girls' dinner reservation. Ben and Jenni walk in and I meet Ben for the first time. He struck me as a good guy. You could tell that he's in love. I couldn't get over how young he looked. Now the three of us go through a dry run of the events. I explain to him that we think the simplest idea is the best one and he agreed. After a rehearsal it is decided that I should pull the chair out and that he would wait for my signal to go in. Everything was in place. (Ben turns to Jenni at one point and he says about me, "He's just like Derek." I instantly realized that I was channeling Derek's wonderful mirth and positive energy. This is Derek's baby. I'm just here because he couldn't be.)

A couple of hours later, the girls sat down and I sold them on getting the six course tasting menu that we feature. Midway through the first course, Ben, Jenni and Jenni's current roommate Kelly show up and sit in the bar area (which is not in sight of the dining room). I suggest to Ben that he have a couple drinks and some grub before the big moment. A couple beers and our fantastic tuna appetizer later he was good to go.

At the table, the girls were in their own world. Drinking margaritas and talking about, well, what young women talk about in these situations. Every time the girls would finish another course I'd go the bar and tell Ben. As the courses increased in number, Ben became more and more nervous.

Final course. I go to the bar and get Ben and drop the chocolate cake and tell Mia, "This is for you. It's for a special occasion." Mia says,"What's the special occasion?" And then I jerked her chair and Ben slid into position on his knee.

Now for more detail you'll have to ask Jenni. I know he asked. I know she said yes, but I didn't want to stand in the middle of the room listening in. A proposal is rather personal and they already had the entire restaurant watching. As soon as she said yes, she put the ring on, but everyone in the room was waiting for a kiss. It took a moment, but she eventually grabbed him and kissed him. And the restaurant applauded.

So here's to both Mia and Ben. I hope that the proposal was memorable and what you wanted. It was my pleasure to help and I wish you many years of happiness. I hope years from now you still have incredible things to tell each other.

B | 12/13/2004 11:59:00 PM | 1 comments | Post your comment

Ten fingers and ten toes
D

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It's the end of the day at work and we are all leaving. My boss has explained that he will be out of the office tomorrow morning because he will be with his wife at the doctors office. It is one of her routine check-ups; she is pregnant with their first child.

As I am walking out, the following conversation takes place between Patrick, one of my fellow employees who is 20, Larry, my boss, and myself.

Patrick: This will be your first kid?
Larry: Yeah.
Patrick: Do you want a boy or a girl?
Derek: Just ten fingers and ten toes.
Larry: Right. (smiles)
Patrick: What?
Derek: Ten fingers and ten toes man. That's all it needs.

Someday I'm going to have children. And all I'll be hoping for is ten fingers and ten toes.



In other news: Congratulations Ben and Mia. Sorry I couldn't have been there with you. I wish you both the best. For more info, see Bernard's post above.

D | 12/13/2004 11:39:00 PM | 0 comments | Post your comment

One rejection away from 2,000 miles
D | Saturday, December 11, 2004

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As some of you know, for the past few months I have been contemplating hiking the Appalachian Trail. As of today, I stand one thin envelope away from six months alone, 2,000 miles of trial, and one life-altering experience.

Ever since returning to Ohio and making the decision to take off a year from law school I have been sending out resumes to law firms, legal staffing agencies, and government agencies at the rate of about 8-10 per week. This has ultimately proved fruitless, so when I got my current job working for Fidelity I decided enough was enough. I told myself that if the last two outstanding legal jobs to which I had applied both fell through I would work at Fidelity until March, then leave and hike the AT. I received one rejection letter today. Monday morning I plan on placing a call to the US Atty Office and I expect to be starting to lay out my AT schedule by later that night.

A few basics. The Appalachian Trail is one of the oldest and longest trails anywhere in the world. It is one continuous path running from Northern Georgia to Central Maine traveling over 2,100 miles and spanning 14 states. The trail normally takes between 5-7 months to thru-hike, hiking from 9 to 5, 7 days a week. I have been contemplating hiking from early March to mid August, starting at the southern terminus of Spring Mt., GA and hiking northward towards Katahdin. The thru-hiking successful completion rate has been between 14-22% in the past 5 years (only 391 people in 2003). Contact on the trail with the outside world is purposely sparse but still possible; close friends could expect the occasional quick-hello postcard or, if lucky, the random phone call. If you are interested in more information, the Appalachian Trail Conference maintains a great Thru-Hiking informational database on their website here.

It occurs to me that some of you may be curious and so I'll answer preemptively: I don't know if or when I will return to law school. I left because I was performing at such a disgraceful level I couldn't even look myself in the face, much less be proud of my accomplishments. Law school, much like I envision the AT, should be a journey which is difficult, and intense, and beats you down from time to time, but rewards you with incredible moments of pride and brings about an elusive earned sense of a "job well-done." Now, I am not sure my heart is in it anymore. Living and working in Ohio I have found myself more happy than I can recall being in a long long time. I have my family and truest friends to thank for that. But I know I need more and need to move on to the next stage of my life. What will that be? I don't know, but my heart seems to be telling me it is OK to leave, take some time away, and hike.

And besides, I'm not getting any younger and once I do start the next phase of my life, the opportunity to hike to AT will most likely not resurface until I retire. To top it all off, I love to hike. Recalling my time spent at Philmont traversing the Sangre de Cristo Mountains in northern New Mexico always reminds me how much I love (and need) to be outdoors.

And so, to you my friends, I reach out again. Please share any of your thoughts with me on this mater, publicly in this forum or privately via an email, a phone call, or a quiet chat over a round of beers. Thank you all.

D | 12/11/2004 04:57:00 AM | 3 comments | Post your comment

Batman Bust
D

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This evenings plan was to enjoy the first of two scheduled viewings of Tim Burton's 1989 superhero classic, Batman. I was stoked about this viewing. Stoked. Unfortunately, the theater did not have the print. Apparently the shipping company shipped Batman to the wrong theater. Suck.

So, I did the thing I do, talked to a manager, and ended up with four free complimentary tickets to see Batman at a later date. They expect to have the print next weekend.

Instead my group saw Oceans 12. I heard an interview with George Clooney where he said something to the effect of, "We didn't make this movie because we had to make a sequel. We made this movie because we had a story to tell." That sums up it nicely. The film can stand alone, but works better with some knowledge of the first film. This film had a lot of the same elements as the first - misdirection, great chemistry between an ensemble cast, plot twists and turns, fascinating gadgets and gizmos, witty banter (not quite as good as the original, but still good), and an artsy cinematography (Soderbergh directed). Set all this against stunning backdrops all over Europe and the film is really quite good. I rate the sequel just as entertaining as the original (Clooney and Pitt original, not Sinatra original).

D | 12/11/2004 03:42:00 AM | 1 comments | Post your comment

Bummer
D | Friday, December 10, 2004

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This could be bad. I have a laptop....

http://money.cnn.com/2004/12/09/technology/personaltech/laptop_fertility.reut/index.htm

D |