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It's 3AM and I wanna go to bed
D | Saturday, October 30, 2004
I got a lady running through my head,
Ran out of money-looking for a night shift
It's 3AM and I wanna go to bed
...
Well I've been working my days on full time
I got no money but everything is going fine
But I've been tired in my head
Said I've been tired in my head
...
Tonight was an interesting evening. To sum up in one sentence: Some friends from KI met around 6PM, went to a Lakota East football game, drove to a closed haunted house, drove to a closed movie theater, and ended up watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre at my house till 3AM. That should bring us up to now.
Any evening where I meet interesting women is a good evening. Add a exciting high school football game, some witty banter coupled with innocent flirting, some excellent company, and Viola!-how to take a good evening to a really good evening.
Look for a comprehensive Weekend Update on Sunday night. Topics should include: Voting, OSU football, OMEA State Marching Band Finals, Kate & Spencer, beer, relaxing, Sideways, KI and Garden State.
D | 10/30/2004 03:19:49 AM
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My Job, Vol. 2
D | Thursday, October 28, 2004
More possible hilarity from work. Again, I caution that these are removed from context and may only be funny to me. Enjoy Volume 2....
RESPONDENT INFORMATION - NAMES
MaryAnn Przybylski
-You can't put 9 vowels in a row, even if it is a proper name. Seriously.
John McClain
-The character from the Die Hard Movies has taken up fighting crime in the Nati.
Mathew Perry
-Fountain Square Perk anyone?
RESPONDENT INFORMATION - ADDRESSES
1789 Nimrod Ave.
-Just funny to me?
Winnie the Pooh
-This was a woman's work address. I can just see her now wondering the streets in a big orange bear suit passing out fliers for a new fast food restaurant.
OFFICE STAFF QUOTES
Bea: [leaving a message] We at (Company) have an upcoming market research project. If you think you might be interesting, please give us a call back. [hangs up] Interesting?
Lori: Did you just say "if you think you might be interesting"?
Bea: Yeah. Ok, so if some guy calls back claiming to to be interesting, transfer him to me.
Tina: Can anyone use a water (project) woman?
Muary: I'm a water man, I can take her. [beat] Is she pretty sounding?
Tina: She sounds pretty. She's 30.
Muary: I've got some shoes that are 30...
-Recall Muary is our resident "Old Man River." I was wrong on my previous age assessment; he is actually 78.
SCREENER QUESTIONS
-A screener is what we use to see if people qualify for our research projects. It is a long list of specific questions. The following are direct quotes that can be heard from time to time by someone screening a respondent.
"Married women should obey their husbands"
"I consider myself a sensual woman"
"Although I don't have a strong emotional connection with my dog/cat, I think of it as an animal I have to take care of"
"I love to shower and like to stay in as long as possible"
"It is more natural to just let it flow"
-All of these are statements where the respondent indicates a level of agreement.
"How long have you been using a laxative product?"
-I asked this question for 8 days in a row to nearly 900 people.
ACTUAL TRANSCRIBED PHONE CALL #3
GUY: Hello.
ME: Hello, this is Derek from (Company) is Wilma there?
GUY: No.
ME: OK, would there be a better time to give her a call back?
GUY: Leave a message.
ME: Ok sure, can I give you our number here at the office?
GUY: No.
ME: Um... well, ok. Then would there be a better time to give her a call back?
GUY: No.
ME: Um.. ok, well... um.. Thank you sir?
[click]
ACTUAL TRANSCRIBED PHONE CALL #4
[ring ring]
KID: She's not here. Goodbye.
[click]
ME: What the hell just happened?
ACTUAL TRANSCRIBED PHONE CALL #5
ME: (Standard Introduction)
WOMAN: What?
ME: (repeat Intro)
WOMAN: Who?
ME: [slowly] (Company) the local marketing firm in Blue Ash.
WOMAN: Where's Blue Ash?
ME: Blue Ash, Ohio, the suburb of Cincinnati.
WOMAN: Where's Ohio?
ME: Um... so, we were calling today for Jerry. Is he available?
WOMAN: No, he's not. And he doesn't want to talk to you. Ever.
[click]
ME: Wow....
D | 10/28/2004 09:05:34 PM
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A good man can't get elected
D
I'm starting this post with a quiz. Number a piece of paper for every Presidential election year in the past 80 years. IE: 04, 00, 96, 92, 88, etc all the way to 1928. Now fill in the President for every blank. Good Luck. When you finish, read on.
There's a guy I work with whose name is Sy. Possibly Cy. He is 68 years old. He is one of those guys who is just flat out nice to everyone.
Somehow we got to talking politics today. I asked about the upcoming Presidential election. He said that he wasn't really excited about either of the candidates for President. He followed that up by commenting that it has been so long since choosing the President has been more than picking between the lesser of two evils. He said political candidates had become "mediocre." Naturally, I asked when was the last time he felt otherwise. He paused. I rephrased and asked, "Who was the last President you were excited about?"
Expecting Reagan or Kennedy, I was pretty shocked to hear him say, "Truman, Harry Truman." Why? "He was honest. He had integrity. It was my very first election, and I wanted Truman. 'Give 'em Hell Harry.'" I pressed him. Not since Truman has a politician gotten you excited? No. And one by one, he proceeded to walk me through 80 years of Presidential politics. One after the other, a name, a year, and a reason why they didn't make the cut. It was impressive.
After our conversation, I numbered my piece of paper and tried to put it all in order. I mislabeled one blank. When I asked Sy for help, he fixed my mistake and said that the rest was correct. I had originaly gone up to FDR, so he added Hoover. I asked him again, "Truman, huh? That far back to find a good man in politics?"
"Yes, and he was a good man. I think we have had to settle for Presidents since then. Unless America has become mediocre, and I don't think it has, I think we deserve better." I agree.
Check your answer to the quiz here.
D | 10/26/2004 01:30:31 AM
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Children and Religion Responses
D | Monday, October 25, 2004
Here is my original children and religion post and the accompanying comments. Next, let me thank each of my posters for their thoughts and suggestions. I responded by commenter, not topic.
TO JM: Knowing you, as I do, I could hear you saying your post as you I read every word of it. I love how you illustrated religion as being a "poison to democracy." All I would suggest is that perhaps your (and mine too) devotion to the greater ideals of democracy are some bizarre "religious experience" as well.
You mentioned you fear that should your children choose atheism, as you indicated you have, the world would be "inevitably hostile" to them. Do you think this is actually true, or more importantly, will be true into the future? Religious affiliations have been experiencing continued decline for many years, and I expect will continue to decline as our generation and those generations behind us decide not to pursue religion, our courts seem to be making strides away from any religious connections in politics (ten commandments in Alabama or "God" in the pledge of allegiance), and despite our current President's convictions against what I feel are basic rights, I think the world is becoming more accepting of other views and ideas. Naive or idealistic? Perhaps, but I can only hope that the religious hostilities you and I felt, and continue to feel, will be somewhat lessened for our children. All in all, I think we might be in the same proverbial child-raising-religious boat.
TO ANONYMOUS: Your religion makes you who you are today. And as your friend, I appreciate and deeply respect your faith and convictions. Should you be interested, I would love to participate and learn more about your faith.
Given this, I was surprised to see some of your views on paper. Maybe we just never hit these topics, but your views were interesting for me to read.
My questions of you is this: I assume you are playing to raise your children Catholic? What if they choose to be Jewish or Muslim or an atheism? Is another religion acceptable (at all)? Are there levels of acceptability? Is another religion that acknowledges a "God" acceptable, but atheism unacceptable?
We all know you will love your children unconditionally, but would you be disappointed/sad/frustrated if your children chose otherwise? Would you consider yourself a failure as a parent? My parents will always love me no mater what, but I think sometimes they wish I would experience the "love of Christ" that they know. Do you think in this fashion?
TO ALEX: Ahhh. That's what I have to say to you. Like a long relaxed sitting-down-into-a-comfy-armchair, "Ahhh." You always are the voice of reason. Derek, I don't think building a trebuchet large enough to launch a car is practical. Derek, the world doesn't need another bowling alley lawyer. Derek, shouldn't Phi Alpha Delta be pronounced FAD, and not PAD. Derek, dating X, Y, or Z is a terrible idea. Derek, if you love your kids and trying to raise them well, everything should turn out fine. Ahhh.
Granted there will be bumps along the way, but I'm a good guy, you're a good guy, we should be pretty good parents. We can still teach morals and right from wrong. We will still do the best we can when the time comes.
I don't have any questions for you. No wait. Why did you delete one of your posts?
D | 10/25/2004 10:19:02 PM
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Back to basics
D | Wednesday, October 20, 2004
I really want to get back to having, what at least I consider, meaningful posts on my website. I have the sense that recently my personal problems, issues, and situations have transformed my website into my forum for world-wide bitching. If you agree that is the case, then I apologize. While I have always intended to use this page to express my thoughts and opinions in an effort to 1. give people a glimpse into the mystery that is Derek and 2. spur on greater thought and debate on those things I think and debate about, I have never planned to make this a laundry list of my inter-most gripes and complaints. Sorry.
So, in an effort to revitalize some philosophizing, tonight I ask this question: With more and more young Americans straying away from mainstream religion, how do we, as future parents, present a the concept of "religion" to our own children?
This is something I struggle with. I want children some day and want to raise them to be virtuous and morally grounded. For many people, religion is often a source of such values. Given that, religion seems an important part of a child's moral and spiritual development. Personally, I am confident in my religious beliefs and practices, yet what if those beliefs are not what my child wants (or needs) for his or her own life? Is there an age or time in a child's life when it becomes appropriate for a parent to find an effective way to present the concept of religion, and thus the multitude of religions to choose from, to a young child? Or is religion something that a parent passes on to a child without question, supposing fundamentally that the parent is confident that their religious choice is "right", thus removing the choice from the child?
I have friends of all religious persuasions (Bernard, Michele, and Beth to name a few), so I hope that this post can encourage some lively discussion of this issue. Please post some opinions; I am interested in commenting myself. I look forward to each of my friend's guidance on this most difficult topic for me. Thanks. -D
D | 10/20/2004 11:52:44 AM
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School of Love
D | Monday, October 18, 2004
Yesterday's Conversation of the Day
(roughly paraphrased)
Beth: You should start the "Derek Walden School of Love." I could be your first student.
D: Wow, that is a terrible idea on many many levels. One, you would be an awful student. Awful; you never listen to me. Two, this isn't something you can teach to someone. Love doesn't work like that. And three, you couldn't possibly choose a worse professor. None of my methods EVER work.
Beth: So it would be just like all my OSU teaching classes: all method, no practical application.
D: Correct. I could teach Theory of Love, but nothing else.
Thats how I feel about relationships right now. "Derek Walden shaped holes" are great and I love charging ahead and leaving my mark, but sometimes you just get so down afterward. But as Bernard constantly reminds me, "It's time to get up off the mat." This Friday, off the mat indeed.
On a lighter and happier note, Garden State has changed me. Everyone keeps asking me to post my review. I have chosen not to and will continue to chose not to. The movie has meant so much to me no words will adequately convey my feelings of respect and true compassion for this film. I saw it three times in three days. Needless to say, I loved it. Make the time to go see it.
Song of the Day: Right Now, SR71, Thanks Beth!
Moment of the Day: A gentlemanly wager - IT'S GO TIME!
Question of the Day: Who is going to be in Cbus this weekend (Sat night) and wants to carve pumpkins with me?
D | 10/18/2004 11:34:07 PM
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"Making a move (or several)"
D | Thursday, October 14, 2004
It's time for an adventure. A trebuchet or other siege weapon, camping or other woodsy trek, driving or other automotive excursion? I don't know yet. Nonetheless...
I'm taking the bull by the horns -or if you prefer: seizing the day, stepping up to the plate, throwing caution to the wind, breaking down walls, going for the jugular, splitting the D, manifesting destiny- I am staring down the thing and sending it to the place.
Something for me, something to make me happy, something I want. A plan is developing; there might be liquor involved.
D | 10/14/2004 04:33:12 PM
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My Job
D | Tuesday, October 12, 2004
As I have come to find out, no one knows what I do at work everyday, much less the fact that I actually go to work at all. First thing first, yes, I am in fact going to work everyday from 9-5. Second thing second, NO, it is not at Kings Island. I work on the Racer on the weekends until the beginning of November when the park closes. I am not working on the roller coaster in the middle of the week from 9-5 (although I would rather be doing that if I had my choice).
I am temp-ing at a local market research firm. This means I spend 8 hours a day on the telephone interviewing people about their toothpaste preferences, or pet food, or water filtration systems, or feminine hygiene products. The job isn't nearly as bad as it sounds. My typical day has me arriving at 9:05, falling asleep in my cubical by 10:05, taking a break by 11:05, eating lunch outside by 1:05, taking another break around 3:05, and leaving at, wait for it, 4:55 (fooled you). Not a terrible way to spend my days; it is paying the bills while I send out a billion resumes daily.
In honor of no one knowing what I do, I have decided to post some of my favorite quotes from work. Everyday I jot down the funny things that are said around the office. Some will need some context, others probably will only be funny to me. Here we go...
ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGES
"We're all out, and the dog is too short to answer the phone..."
-Some dork's answering machine
"The busiest family on the planet is out having fun with our millions of friends..."
-Some dorky family's answering machine
"If this is me, then that is you. Leave a message."
-Some confused 18 yr old's voice mail
OFFICE STAFF QUOTES
"Can anyone use a 23 yr old female?"
-Whenever a respondent DQs from a project we shout out their age to see if someone else could use them on their project. I always get this stupid grin on my face. I always think so myself, "Oh could I use one."
"She's probably ugly as Hell"
-Maury, my 67 yr old male co-worker, commenting on my idea of trying and pick up a nice 21 yr old female respondent I had just finished interviewing
"You gotta get while the gettins good"
-Stephanie, my 19 yr old female co worker, commenting on calling respondents at dinner time
ACTUAL TRANSCRIBED PHONE CALL #1
KID: Hello!
ME: Hello, this is Derek from (Company) is Barbara at home?
KID: Um, yeah.... Hold on.... MOM! There's, um....someone on the phone....from, um, somewhere!
MOM: Hello.
ME: Hi, this is Derek from (Company), also known as "Someone from Somewhere."
MOM: Hello, Derek. (beat) Welcome to Chaos.
ACTUAL TRANSCRIBED PHONE CALL #2
KID: Hello. (obviously a very very young child)
ME: Hello, this is Derek from (Company). Is your Mom at home?
KID: Hi.
ME: Hi. What's your name?
KID: Allie, what's your name?
ME: Derek.
MOM: (in the background) Who is it honey?
KID: (to Mom) It's Derk.
MOM: (in the background) Derk?
KID: Bye.
MOM: (now on the phone) Hello, sorry about that.
ME: No problem. This is Derek from (Company)
MOM: I was gonna say, we don't know any Derks.
D | 10/12/2004 11:25:53 PM
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Coat chivalry
D | Sunday, October 10, 2004
This weekend was near perfection. To all my friends who made it wonderful, let me begin by thanking each one of you. It truly would have been The Perfect Weekend if only we had won the game (I was initially going to title this entry "Justin Zwick ruined my Perfect Weekend").
As opposed to giving the standard Weekend Update with all my activities in a huge list, I am going to write about one singular occurrence that made my weekend great. And I mean great...
There is something really magical about giving a women your coat. Taking off your own jacket and giving it to her so she can stay warm is something special. It's important and noteworthy, gracious and caring, romantic and heart-felt. There is an interesting "song and dance" to this whole self-sacrificing ritual: you have to offer, she has to initially refuse, you have to press her again and mention her cold hands or chattering teeth, she has to again refuse, you have to then make the bold gesture of going ahead and removing your garment, she has to refuse and make some big fuss about you taking it off, you have to point out that now you already took it off and are not going to wear it now anyway, she has to reluctantly give in and inquire about your well-being, you have to lie and say you'll be fine, and then (the best part) she ends up happy, warm, and in your clothes. True this gesture could be considered standard chivalry or maybe even some form of manly-bravado-ego-trip thing, but I have never looked at it that way. To me, seeing her in my jacket/coat/sweatshirt/etc. is something touching. She has accepted me. When a women is cold, or it's windy, or it's raining, you do whatever you have to do to improve her condition; I ran around in the corn in a short sleeve shirt for 2 hours. Seeing her warmer was worth every minute.
D | 10/10/2004 11:36:54 PM
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Hayride Info
D | Friday, October 08, 2004
Hayride Information
Come one, come all. We are going on a Hayride. Other events include a haunted maize, greased pig chase, corn cannon, corn box, and tube slide (I have no idea what most of these things actually are, but I am doing them all). If you can read this message, you are invited to join us. Need a ride, call Derek at 917-710-6638. Admission is approx $10.
Come celebrate the joys of Fall with those of us who love it (and Bradley too). See you there.
The Maize at Little Darby Creek
Saturday Oct. 9th
8PM - 10PM
Directions and more information can be found at their website located here:
http://www.cornfieldmaze.com/sites.php?ID=&username=ohmilfordcenter
Also there is a printable $1 off coupon if you put in your name and email.
D | 10/08/2004 01:33:10 AM
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A day for the books
D
Somehow today was a phenomenal day. A friend asked, "How I knew Ohio was 'the right place' for me?" Let me answer by telling you about my day. So many things went amazingly well. Just to name a few:
-Ran 5.6 miles in 44 minutes averaging to 7.85 minutes per mile. For a guy who never works out (or really runs) that was an accomplishment in itself. Also, there was a wicked hot runner girl who I passed 4 or 5 times. Seriously, just hot and fit and toned with long dark hair. My oh my. And in those brief seconds as we passed I would wave and say Hello, she would wave and say Hello...I felt we really connected...She should be bearing my children in about 9 months..."She insulted me, I patronized her... there wasn't any food involved, but i thought we had a connection"-The American President. (Thanks Al)
-Generated a fail-proof plan for an upcoming adventure in...something yet un-named. I now have steps 1-3 of something which could have no foreseeable ending. Does this uncertainty discourage me? Never. And so, what have I actually got? Three scripted lines of a hypothetical conversation. I'm awesome.
-Brought Beth ice cream and scored some important points with her parents. I figure if I can get her Mom on my side, get some muscles, play more sports, and grow 3 inches, then Beth too will come around... In all seriousness, I think I made her day a little brighter and she always makes me feel good. Tonight we took a walk with her dog around her neighborhood. It was exactly what I want from my life. Great night weather, great starry sky, great dog, great neighborhood, great conversation, great companion. All I need to do now is find the woman to share it with, and I am in no rush there. I'm letting her come to me. Speaking of which...
-Drove. Drove. Drove. Music included Batman, Star Wars, Gladiator, Superman, Last of the Mohicans, and Rudy (as a shout out to my boy at Notre Dame). I love my drives.
-While driving, had an excellent phone call. Cheers to open yourself up. Was it tough on me? Yes. Taxing, draining, frustrating, or angering? No. Intriguing, exciting, or promising? Doubtful, but no one around here is sitting on their hands waiting for things that aren't coming. My personal advice: You don't belong there; come home. Make up your mind to be happy, construct a plan for your life to generate that happiness, and do it. You, quite literally, have the world at your feet. Just pick what you want from your life, find someone who shares those goals, and fall in love. The rest should take care of itself. I hope you find whatever it is that will ultimately bring you that happiness you seek.
Why do I know Ohio is where I am supposed to be? I am so happy here. End of discussion.
D | 10/05/2004 01:10:34 AM
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Weekend Update
D | Sunday, October 03, 2004
Another solid weekend in the books:
-Good damn, I love Fall. I don't think I can stress this enough. Living in the city is like living in a concrete box devoid of anything save extreme hot and extreme cold. I love Ohio weather, I love the leaves changing, I love the crisp feel of an Autumn breeze on your face, I love the smells of Fall. This weekend was the first time I could see my breath. I love it here. I sat on my deck tonight, fleece keeping me warm, talking on the phone, enjoying a beer, and just absorbing the scene. I just can't express it in words; the weather alone convinces me with every passing day that leaving my personal hell-hole of NYC was the right thing to do. Here's to hay-rides, sweaters, pumpkin carving, and the reds and yellows of changing leaves.
-Saw one of my new favorite movies this weekend. It will always mean something special to me, so I was glad I got to see it in the theater one last time.
-Fixed a nagging long-term problem with Bernard. I think we are on the same page now and that makes me feel really good. Let's keep it this way. And oh yeah, SEAL THE DEAL you big fuckin' chicken. PS: Read B's story about us playing basketball with 7 yr olds in a comment to this post.
-The possibilities that I am finding open to me (or at least mostly open) are encouraging. New relationships, new friends, new beginnings, new experiences, all of which are inspiring to me. Still, I am waiting for some people to step up to the plate...
-At work, I shamelessly flirted with this gorgeous red-head with these stunning blue eyes who went to Miami. I am horrendously rusty, but throwing my hat into the ring (the limited ring it was) made me feel good. Afterward she gave me one of those looks that only women can give when you've really made them happy: the little look over her shoulder, the knowing smile, the cute wave of her hand, the eyes saying everything. Damn, that felt really good.
-Week One Goals - Accomplished. And the funny thing is I don't even need the competition any more. That feels like a blessing. Like dropping unnecessary emotional weight from off my shoulders. Now it's for me. Now it's my house.
That's about it. One of my rides at the park broke down. It's not very interesting except for the scene where myself and Bryan were throwing all our weigh into one of the ride's huge metal arms, straining against a couple thousand pounds of riders and machinery in a desperate attempt to try and stop the ride from "drifting" while we unloaded the last passengers. No one was hurt, all is well now.
Other than that, WEEKEND/WEEK=SUCCESS. Here's to another week just like it (except with a W for the Bucks). For Weekend Update, I'm Derek Walden.
D | 10/03/2004 11:58:30 PM
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American Dreamz
The Dirty Dozen
Superman Returns
Pirates of the Caribbean II
Accepted
