Thank you, come again
D | Wednesday, December 07, 2005

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This morning (yesterday as I write this (whatever, Tuesday morning)), I had stopped at a gas station and ended up inside the convenience store searching for breakfast foods. Back in highschool, my friend Tim once told me that no mater where he is or what he is doing, every time he sees one of those Hostess Apple Pie things, he buys it. Not because he wants to it, but simply because he has to. Ever since then, I have fallen victim to the same mental illness. Luckily for me, I really like those things, so its not such a terrible predicament. Nonetheless, I grabbed a YooHoo (not to be confused with the search engine) and went up to the counter to pay. A pleasant Indian clerk (dots not feathers (is that a racist comment?)) was behind the counter and the following conversation took place (do the Indian accent while reading, it helps with visualization).

D: Morning.
IC(DNF): Good morning. Did you find everything, OK?
D: Yes.
He starts ringing up my stuff and looks out the window to admire The Silver Bullet
IC(DNF): That is a nice little car.
D: Thanks.
IC(DNF): Fast?
D: Uh, yeah.
IC(DNF): How much did it cost?
D: Uh, what.
IC(DNF): How much did you pay?
D: I got it used.
IC(DNF): Sure. Sure. Sure. How much was it?
D: Its wasn't new.
IC(DNF): Sure. Sure. Sure... (beat)
D: Well, see ya.
I quickly head to the door and bolt out of there like I stole my Hostess Apple Pie and YooHoo
IC(DNF): Ok. Thank you, come again!

He didn't actually say that last line - but he should have!

Looking back on things, this conversation is ridiculous for any number of reasons. 'How much did you pay' was answered with 'I got it used'. That doesn't even make sense. That's right, if these were the Mock Trial Olympics I would win straight 10s in the Nonresponsive Category (except for Judge Pheeny... I hate that guy..."hot shot" my ass, Old Man River (anyone who gets that joke has known me too long)). But seriously, that answer was so far from making sense, it was funny. As if the fact that I bought the car used means I suddenly don't know how much I paid. Then when he asked again, I went right back to being uncooperative. OK, see it's not that I got it used, its that it wasn't new. Now you understand?

My purpose for writing this post is this - Why didn't I want to tell him how much the car costs? It was a harmless question. Why didn't I just answer? I have a few theories.
A) The price of a used car fluctuates greatly based on a lot of different features (year, model, mileage, etc). Maybe, I just didn't want to run such a complex calculation in my head. Survey says, OBVIOUSLY UNTRUE, YOU KNOW HOW MUCH YOU ORIGINALLY PAID REGARDLESS OF THE CAR'S CURRENT VALUE.
B) I overpaid for the car and didn't want the clerk to think I was a sucker and suddenly charge me more for my YooHoo. Survey says, STUPID. SIMPLY STUPID.
C) I underpaid for the car and didn't want the clerk to think... something. Survey says, YOU'RE A MORON.
D) The clerk was kinda creepy and I was a little freaked out. Survey says, GETTING WARMER. CAN'T WE ALL JUST AGREE THAT THERE WAS SOMETHING IN YOUR UPBRINGING WHICH MANDATES THAT YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT MONEY?

And there we have it. I don't know if other people are the same way I am, but I guess we will find out if anyone writes a comment. I was taught that you don't talk about money - the price of something or how much something is worth or how much someone makes. If it is the price of a snow cone, that's one thing. But never big things. These are personal numbers, which if someone wants to share that is fine, but you don't ask. Just like you don't invite yourself over to someone else's house. It is just poor manners. Right or wrong, this is what I was taught. And I think it was this innate uncontrollable weirdness which would not allow me to share even the simplest financial detail with the Shell Station clerk.

There is a quote from West Wing (Season 2, Ep 22, Two Cathedrals):
JED: In my family, we don't talk about money.
MRS. LANDINGHAM: That's because you have money.

True or not, I don't know, but I feel like I am on the right track. Is this manners or am I some rich-nutty-wack-job?

D | 12/07/2005 01:24:00 AM |   Post your comment

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Comments:

I'm notoriously bad with asking questions I should ask, and one of those is how much stuff costs. If it's wrong to ask you how much you paid for your car, is it wrong for me to ask people how much they pay for their apartment? I personally think it's a harmless question because a car is already purchased, and since you drive it, it's already saying something about your socioeconomic status (unless you're leasing it, which means you can still afford it, but not in the same way). I see this as being very different than asking something like "how much do you make?" Because that's a private question that cannot be guessed out based on your outward appearance. People who make very little dress very nice, and vice versa. So, I'd draw the line between what you can and cannot ask at whether or not you're already presenting some sort of outward display to the rest of the world that should give them the right to inquire about a particular thing.
Ruvym | December 07, 2005 3:58 AM | permalink
 

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It's OK in certain circumstances, but you have to be friends with the person. If I see that my friend recently bought a car, and I'm thinking of buying a car but haven't paid attention to the market, I can ask my friend privately if she minds telling me how much she paid. But no, it's not appropriate to ask how much a random stranger paid for something that large. It's just not his business.

BTW, I love that you overuse parentheses - even double parentheses!
IrishBrooke | December 07, 2005 10:05 AM | permalink
 

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P.S. "dots not feathers" = technically, no "PC" but pretty funny. IC(DNF) also not PC, but again, pretty funny.

Brooke, I guess I come from a different perspective (see "N.Y." or "Jewish" or "me") where people are always asking each other how much stuff costs. Not to be rude, just out of curiosity.
Ruvym | December 07, 2005 11:05 AM | permalink
 

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R,
So its OK to ask how much a car cost because that is an obvious indicator of socioeconomic status, but it is not OK to ask how much someone makes because they might be concealing their wealth/or lack of wealth? Please have a better arguement than that. With that logic, if someone is obviously rich and openly displaying their wealth, then I could ask them how much they make because it is obvious they are rich. I don't think that is what you meant.

B,
Agreed. Friends, yes. But not even that much is necessary, just some sort of headlining. If the clerk would have prefaced the conversation with, "Hey I really like those Eclipse. I am thinking about buying one. How much did you pay?" although I still might have dodged the question, I would be more inclined to answer.

BOTH,
I think you both raise an interesting point. Cultural differences.

It might sound silly, but think about it - some cultures are more OK with openly talking about money. I think it may be culture-based, or parent-based, or upbringing-based. Not that one way is "the right way," but maybe that is where these tendencies come from.

I would also agree that a lot of it is simlpe personal preference.
D | December 07, 2005 11:16 AM | permalink
 

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It seems obvious here that the nice Indian clerk (dots not feathers) was jealous of your car. He probably makes $5.50/hr and was trying to figure out how many years of saving from his Quik-E-Mart, er Shell station check it would take him to be able to buy his own Silver Bullet (I won't touch the name for now). His family might have had a goat back in India (a goat!), and now he is trying to live the American Dream and get himself a car so he can send pictures of it back to India to show his 7 brothers and sisters how great his life is here in America, despite desperately missing them and the goat.

And then you have some young punk (i.e. stock broker) come in with this status symbol he only dreams of one day owning, who, as far as the clerk is concerned, felt he was too much above the lowly Quik-E-Mart, I mean Shell, employee to be friendly and humor the dream of a poor Kwik-E-Mart, damn it I mean Shell, clerk. It is not the clerk's fault he was born in a third-world with 7 brothers and sisters and only a goat to their name. You should be ashamed of yourself, dream-crasher.


"The only thing I have to eat is Yoohoo and Cocoa Puffs, so if you want anything else bring it with you."
Brad | December 07, 2005 11:19 AM | permalink
 

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Based on Derek's beverage selection, it's probably more of a Yoohoo-Mart than a Quick-E-Mart.

But to the matter at hand, it's definitely something I'd chalk up to cultural differences.
Alex | December 07, 2005 11:37 AM | permalink
 

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D, no that is what I meant. Again though, as Alex's awesome links displays, it's a cultural difference sort of thing. For whatever reason, I would have no problem asking someone how much they paid for a car, but wouldn't ask someone how much they make (unless I feel like I know them well enough to ask the question).
Ruvym | December 07, 2005 3:28 PM | permalink
 

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