I'm threatened by Jessica Simpson
D | Friday, August 05, 2005

---

So I read this article today on CNN discussing flirting at work. Apparently, flirting gets you no where in the business world (but I would argue that the type of person who actively flirts at work is the type of person who isn't going to go anywhere and the flirting has little to do with their lack of promotion).

Then someone brings up The Dukes of Hazzard movie coming out today, and we start talking about Jessica Simpson. Of course, she is an attractive woman and our conversation began with seeing her in a pink bikini in the movie, but it quickly moved to her intelligence, or lack thereof. One of my colleagues espoused that she is probably smarter than she looks, to which I asked why? He believes she is playing the "dumb card" to increase viewership for her show. At this point I suggested that to play the dumb card she would have to a) be smart enough to recognize she was not in fact dumb b) this was a strategy which would help her and c) she would actively have to act unintelligent. Save point C, I didn't feel like this was anywhere close to reality in Jessica Simpson land.

But another classmate did point out that she still had way more money than any of us (to which I agreed). Although I agreed she was attractive and musically talented, I responded that intelligence is often times entirely unrelated to wealth. At this point, it was suggested that my attacks on her intelligence were because I was threatened by her. Not wanting to go crazy, that was when I stopped talking...

Why is it that when a man says something negative about a woman he is accused of being threatened or sexist? But a woman says something negative about a man and she is standing up for her rights? I get in trouble for voicing a negative opinion and a woman gets championed for defending civil liberties. Admittedly, we were all playing the stereotyping game. Furthermore my views on inequality and discrimination are way out in left field, but I feel like there might be a valuable issue here. Woman are still making approximately .75 on every dollar a man makes (how do they calculate that figure anyway?) - and I think that is terrible and unfair. But we can all agree that there are these never-ending gender stereotypes in our society AND although this is one that I would like to change, some of them are ones I would like to keep.

Men should stand up when a woman leaves the table, men should hold doors open, and men should help a woman put on her coat. Just to eliminate the first few comments - yes, men should hold the door open for other men (its courtesy) and yes, I've had women hold the door open for me (its not like I flip out) and yes, sometimes women don't want my help putting their coat on (and if they ask me, I'll leave them alone). But still, these are things that have been worked into my subconscious over time and I don't think they are bad. They are the proper way to behave. And I'm not trying to be condescending or sexist or whatever - I'm trying to be a nice guy (rare, I know, but it does happen).

So I guess, all I am asking for is equal treatment when it comes to me bashing Jessica Simpson. Let me hold the door open for you, but let me say what I have to say too. My opinions are just as valid as yours and simply because I am not the repressed party I do not waive my right to be able to speak my mind (even about things which bother you). We need more discussion of important issues in this country without name calling and stereotyping. Let's talk more, not speculate as to the gender biased motivations.

And I'm getting down off my soapbox. For now.

D | 8/05/2005 11:57:00 AM |   Post your comment

---

Comments:

Stay up on that soapbox because you're 100% right.

As far as Jessica Simpson goes, I agree with you. I used to like her a lot, but then suddenly she became Britney Spears II by getting all slutted out and moving from nice girl to bad girl image. I hate when people do that because the nice girl is so much cooler and rarer these days. Look, I don't wanna have your boobs, legs, and ass thrown in my face. If I want to see raw sex I have porn for that. I'd go for a girl wearing a modest dress over a girl all slutted out any day.

As for stereotypes, there are so many double standards that aggitate me. Like a few days ago I was taking a cab with a co-worker when I mentioned that I wouldn't get in the cab if I had to pay and then wait for reimbursement. I didn't want to deal with it and would rather have taken the subway just to avoid it. Plus I don't believe in cabs because I think they're a waste of money unless under certain circumstances. So she agrees. We take the cab, get to where we're going, and then she asks, "so whose gonna pay?" I was like, "you, of course." And she's like, "oh, I see how it is. Treat me like one of the guys. Why don't you toss a football to me too?" I mean most of it was a joke, but part of it was a sincere impression that I wasn't being a gentleman. Anyone that knows me knows I like the old fashioned thing like you, but if a woman is looking for more equality in social situations, why is she unprepared to deal with it when it happens?

I think people want their cake and have the opportunity to eat it too. Guys often get shit for "being real" because even though women think they want it, most of the time they can't deal with it.
Ruvym | August 05, 2005 9:19 PM | permalink
 

---

During a discussion with two co-workers of mine recently, (one male and one female), the topic of having a male secretary was brought up. Both the male co-worker and I said we’d feel a bit “uncomfortable” having a permanent male secretary, and my female co-worker said that both of us were “sexist.” She continued that we obviously didn’t respect women’s rights and didn’t consider them equals in the workplace if we wanted female secretaries. We countered that we wanted female co-attorneys as well; that we didn’t want to prevent women from being equals, but that we also just found it _odd_ having a male secretary. I’ve seen the relationships involving attorneys and their secretaries of 20 years that mirror that of marriages. Personally, I just don’t want to marry a guy…

She stated next that, by our logic, she should only have male secretaries, and my male co-worker and I were like “totally… If that’s what you want.” We continued to debate the merits of sexism in the workplace for the next hour, touching on such issues as how women are underpaid (I countered that it isn’t so in the law-firm world – we all start out at the same place - $125k). We also talked about maternity leave and how hard it is to become partner with kids. We were like, “whoa! What about fathers? We don’t get the opportunity to _take maternity leave_ at all! I guess it depends on your priorities in life, but I’d rather be able to take a couple of months off to be with my newborn child and have a harder time making partner than not be able to take as much time off and be made to feel guilty for any small amount of paternity leave I do take.”

These types of discussions went back and forth for a while, and finished with this conclusion: Yes, there is sexism in the workplace. No, it’s not fair. Yes, women want to be treated differently then men when it comes to benefits such as maternity leave, having doors held open, and chairs pulled out for them (she even went so far as to say that after the second date, the man should always drive). No, women do not want to be treated the same when it comes to some responsibilities (such as having to work 70 hours/week for 8 years to make partner – regardless of if one has kids or not).

You know what? I came to the conclusion that if I was a woman, I’d want the same things! Having one’s cake and eating it too is what we’d all want! It’s like being a minority – I like the benefits (Affirmative Action for me) but not the consequences (some white people doubt my abilities and/or believe I took their “spot”). I wish that, being a minority that came from a poor, disadvantaged background, I’d be able to reap the benefits from the wrongs American society has engaged in _without_ having to deal with the stigma of being unfairly admitted or whatever.

Anyway, that’s my two-cents. Hmm… Now I’m thinking… I might just post on my feelings about AA on my blog soon…
Ari-Jo-Knachi | August 08, 2005 2:27 PM | permalink
 

---

Well gentlemen, we are indeed living in a sexist world and we are the ones who are going to be blamed for continuing to perpetuate the stereotypes. I say, regardless of the flack we receive in response to our actions, we simply have to keep doing what we think is right. If we hold the door open and get in trouble, then make your case and don't do it again. Treat women equally, pay them the same, and try to be a "nice guy" all at the same time.

Keep doing what you're doing. And if we need to vent some frustrations, now we have a club.
D | August 08, 2005 3:45 PM | permalink
 

---

a) be smart enough to recognize she was not in fact dumb

One could be dumb enough to have the illusion of smartness. I think she has a lot of dumb cards, probably a whole deck.

Feminists are not romantic what-so-ever. Then they also suck at drinking beer. Not much fun?
Gaby de Wilde | November 13, 2005 11:16 AM | permalink
 

---

Post your comment