Best Application Answers
D | Wednesday, July 27, 2005

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I said that I would post some of my favorite responses to My Application, and so I shall. Below you will find some of the responses that tickled me.

Let's knock out a few of the Basics that were closest to what I would like to see...

Movies: Star Wars: Return of the Jedi (yeah I am a dork), Closer, Sideways
Books: Fountainhead, Plato's Republic, Devil Wears Prada
Foods: chinese food!!!! a good medium/rare steak, ramon noodles(?? lol)
Leisure activities: napping (i know its not a real leisure activity, but i'm in law school, i have to sleep whenever i get a chance), tennis, reading Can I ask a question here? Do all women love to read? 4 out of 5 women listed reading as a leisure activity. That's impressive to me. I would list reading as a painful activity....


Some of these True/False questions were pretty funny...

1. T or F - "I have already planned 80% (or more) of my wedding." false - that is weird, unless you are engaged - Sing it Sister!
2. T or F - "I read Cosmo/Vogue on a weekly basis." - F - Almost every woman said she did not read either, BUT made a point to tell me that my question was improper because they were monthly magazines. Nice try ladies...
4. T or F - "I would describe myself as 'eclectic'." what does that word mean??
6. T or F - "I personify inanimate objects on a regular basis." T (my iPod's name is Larry, my laptop is Nemo, my car is Johnny, etc)
7. T or F - "I would say I am "in touch" with my sexuality." Answer here ranged from: once again, what the hell does that mean? to And by "in touch" I mean I know I like men to I would say so to I enjoy sex and know what I like. So that was a poorly worded question. What I meant to ask was, "T or F - I enjoy having sex." See, so this was a good learning experience; I am learning how to be a better lawyer and ask the question I really want the answered.
10. T or F - "Size matters." Women are great... Five women replied and all five had answers that made me laugh out loud. Here are all 5:
1. Some of both--it can be small and great if you can use it, but big and bad if you can't, or some of both...it's all about the motion in the ocean, baby. Did I have on orgasm or not? Is it better to be alone or fake it?
2. Only when it comes to trucks
3. Have you ever worn the wrong size shoe? It results in blisters and cramped feet. You bet your ass size matters!
4. There is only one reason guys ever ask this question - don't worry, I will keep your secret
5. I think that girls that say it doesn't are lying. But I don't think it's the only thing that matters.

Multiple Choice was another section where funny answers prevailed...
11. Philosophy is...
a. intriguing- YES. Philosophy is the intelectual glue which holds everything else together. How can people not find this stuff interesting? Ok, so that was me talking and nobody said that. Funniest answer:
d. inconsequential - In the grand tradition of ridiculing things you do not understand, hence the answer to this question.

12. You wake up late and are already 5 minutes late to work/class. You...
Well, apparently women like being on time. 4 out of 5 gave some version of "busting your ass to get there." Not good for me, Mr. Permanently Late, at all.

14. A "Whisperlite" is a... (no Google, don't cheat!)
c. backpacking stove, eveyone who misses this one should be shot - OH BOOYA!

15. Who has said, "I've got a bad feeling about this"?
d. I, II, III, IV, I'm almost sure they all did at some point. Plus my mom when she went into labor with me.

Here are some of the most creative answers for the Random section

Favorite place to have sex: in a tent during a rain storm while hiking in the mountains
Favorite alcoholic beverage: scotch
Favorite curse word: fucker
Favorite Simpsons character: Millhouse because if I were a cartoon I would totally date him
If you could have any profession: Princess of the World (yes, it's a profession) Yeah, you don't need to convince me of this. I know the profession well...
If you could have one car: i'd have one that flies - like in the Jetsons
Bikini or thong: Again, fungible. Usually though, I feel most confident in bikinis, because I know you can't just see the outline of my cheeks. It's like you've either got a panty line, or your cheeks are hangin' out. Guys seem to dig the thongs, so I dig them. But you've got to mix it up a little. Can't have your underpants be predictable all the time.
Dog or cat: Dog - one big enough to eat cats or ride
Batman or Superman: Batman. Because he's just a regualr guy who's pissed. Superman's got actual super powers and his only weakness is kryptonite. Bruce Wayne had to learn all that shit on his own, and he can't repel bullets or melt stuff with his eyes. Plus, Batman's got the best gadgets.
Manual or automatic: The ultimate question. Automatics are easy and cheaper to care for in the long run. Also, less of a pain in the ass in traffic jams; however, I can't escape the feeling of control and power when I drive a manual. I feel sexy when I drive an automatic, but sexier in a manual. It's almost like the little people syndrome again. Damn, that was a perfect answer.


Here something interesting about the Essay section - Only 2 woman followed the instructions precisely. For a refresher, here they are: Choose 3. Be specific, but remember "brevity is the soul of wit.". The other 3 women answered every question. Not that it was a terrible thing (it was an application so the more information the better), but I just found that funny. Here are my favorite responses for each question...

A) Describe your ideal man? One who can appreciate me for me and can challenge me mentally followed closely by this particular excerpt from a longer answer The golfer type is good. The breaking/crushing-the-beer-bottle-against-their-drunken-redneck-deer shooting-duck hunting-country music listening-freaking idiot-heads type is not so good. I don't care so much about what kind of body you have (as long as there's not inordinate amounts of back hair), because if you like me, then I most likely will like you as well. And if I've seen you naked in order to see your back hair, then that's probably true anyway.

B) Describe your biggest personality flaw? I'm pretty loud. And blunt.

C) Make me laugh. remember Philmont in the staff house, yeah, I really wanted you to kiss me... and there's always been a tiny part of me that says... what if This one was great (sorry if I gave away the author there). And I laughed not because of the "what if", but because I remembered the situation and how I totally almost got fired... damn that was a long time ago. Good memories.

D) Describe the last time you were spontaneous or creative? Today at lunch I put some parmesean cheese on my green beans. I will now take to calling you "Wild Thing."

E) Describe one thing which you are passionate about (yikes, I ended that sentence with a preposition, sorry English majors). The proper sentence would be..."Describe one thing about which you are passionate." Yes, I know this. But I was trying to keep things casual and I always feel like placing "about which" into a sentence makes you sound too erudite or overly pretentious (not that those things have ever stopped me before).

F) Tell me one other piece of information which will help me get to know you. I have done the relationship thing and am over it. Maybe in the future sometime, but for now I just want to be able to do whatever I want, date anybody I want, sleep around if I want (not that I would sleep around, but just want that opportunity to be there) My my my. Sometimes, its like I hear my self talking...

G) Is Hell endothermic or exothermic, and why? Without pasting the entire response, one essay found the reference and changed the person she slept with to my name. Big points.

Thanks so very much for everyone who submitted an Application. This was great fun for me. If anyone would like to continue this dialouge or schedule their interview, just drop me and email.

D | 7/27/2005 08:14:00 AM |   Post your comment

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