Bano Basics
D | Tuesday, June 14, 2005

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That's Spanish for bathroom (the tilde wasn't working) and I'm talking about etiquette here people. I'm talking about The Urinal Rule. Women out there, I have no idea if you know this, but there are rules in the guy's bathroom. You have couches and fancy stalls - we have rules.

All men know there is a protocol for choosing which urinal to use. It's never discussed, never formally taught, it's just known. Some might suggest there are other "guy rules" about male touching (i.e. hugging vs a manly embrace) or rules for male theater experiences (i.e. the one seat rule), but all those are hog wash when compared to The Urinal Rule. This trumps almost everything.

The easiest way to formalize The Urinal Rule is through a quick quiz.* Answers are given upon completion, with brief explanations.



Explanations:
Scenario A - As far away as possible is always the general rule. Urinals 2 and 3 are acceptable, but 1 is by far the best answer.

Scenario B - Urinals 2 or 4 would create a pairing with one of the other two guys. Taking Urinal 3 avoids all problems. Watch out if another guy comes in...

Scenario C - Urinal 1 avoids any pairing and has the added benefit of being an "end" (one side is permanently vacant).

Scenario D - This is getting more tricky. Urinal 4 would create a bathroom with 4 men in a row. Unacceptable. Choosing Urinal 5 only yields 3 men in a row and, as in Scenario C, is an "end."

Scenario E - Clearly the most difficult urinal availability occurrence. Each choice creates 3 men in a row and will place another man on either side of the new user. Best idea at this point, is to do some quick problem solving by asking a few quick questions:

1. Am I in a situation where peeing supersedes The Urinal Rule? Any time there is a line, you must make a choice and go for it. This sort of high traffic bathroom could be a movie theater or ballpark.

2. Am I in a bar? If you are in a bar (sometimes a Frat House), you should look to the sink as a viable alternative. Most likely if there is a line at a bar, some guy has already started this trend and now the sink is being treated as another available urinal alternative. Don't disregard the sink simply on principle or the guy behind you will take your place at the sink and most likely grunt as he pushes you out of the way.

3. If I am not in a superseding situation or a bar, can I wait and not look ridiculous? If you are in a normal bathroom (work, school, etc), odds are good you can casually stroll over to the sink, run some water, look busy, and wait for one guy to finish. Problem solved.

*In addition, online research has shown this rule to be so prevalent, that it has even been made into a flash game, The Urinal Game (depending on where you work, this might not be entirely safe for work).

D | 6/14/2005 11:51:00 PM | Post your comment

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Comments:

Excellent summary; I'm glad that someone finally did a post on this very important topic. I'd like to contribute to the rule - when stalls are available, they can serve as a better choice whenever there are any guys at the urinals. The only problem with this is that you might be considered weird for going to use one, especially if other people in the bathroom know you're only taking a piss (because they can hear what the story is). But at all costs, never ever use a stall just so you can pee sitting down. Now that's just wrong.
 Ruvym | June 15, 2005 8:42 AM | permalink
 

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R,
Stalls are tricky, I agree. But for the most part - a viable urinal alternative.


WOMEN,
I have a quick question. Do you guys know how this works? In additon, are there rules for the female bathroom? Shed some light on this for everyone.
 D | June 15, 2005 9:42 PM | permalink
 

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Well, I don't know so much that there are rules, but there are certainly preferences. I'm only going to speak for myself here, but I think women can back me up on this: 1) I usually pick an end stall for increased privacy, and 2) I try to avoid any stalls with a straight view of the bathroom door, especially in a shady bar where the stall doors tend to be smaller across than the stall (i.e. where other women can see you through the spaces between the door and the door frame). Oh, and of course we avoid gross stalls. But that's about it.

Ladies, anything else?

Oh, and yeah, I knew about the urinal rule. I guessed all the right ones, except on the final one, where I guessed you would just wait, not pee in the sink. Gross.
 Kate | June 15, 2005 9:53 PM | permalink
 

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Guys pee in the sinks?

lol, that's disgusting. Girls don't really have a set of rules so much... we don't like to pick stalls next to each other and girls really hate it when everyone can hear them pissing. Also some like to talk when they're peeing and others don't.

Big cracks in the doors are freaky, too. We avoid those.
 Anonymous | April 28, 2008 4:14 PM | permalink
 

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